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As a red pill beta (just got red-pilled for the 2nd time, long story) and as an aspie, I just felt so angry and frustrated at myself, at how naive and undeveloped my social skills are. It's been a couple of weeks since I've been swallowing the red pill, and I've been working on myself, got back to lifting, getting back those abs, taking care of my face, and started being aware on women and their signals.

Today I had a really bad morning at work, so I relapsed on NoFap and decided to go get my lunch to-go and call it a day. When I was arriving to the mall I saw that the car that was behind me was entering too. While I was heading to the food court I saw that three guys came out of that car, judging by their appearance and attitude I thought they might be confident salesmen or at least those guys who clearly look immature and don't have the looks but are naturals at flirting (Those that my old blue pill self, hate). I just wanted to get on with this and head home. When I got to Panda Express one of the working girls there smiled at me while I was waiting on the line, I just smiled back. Then a cute girl (HB-8) I hadn't seen before was serving the sides, judging by her uniform she must be the supervisor helping out in a busy day.

Anyway, she greeted me as if she was happy to see me

HB8: "Hello! How are you?" Me: "Good and you?" HB8: "Good! Thank you! What do you want today?" (In the city were I live, people usually only greet by saying "Good morning", "Good afternoon" and so, they never ask how are you). " Me: "I want some veggies" HB8: "Don't you want anything else? ;)" I just smiled back and was thinking about saying something (caught me off guard), then the guy behind interrupted and said "Happy anniversary!" (The restaurants anniversary). And I could see how she was feeling uncomfortable and replied "Happy anniversary". Then I realized that the three sales guys were right behind me. HB8: "What do you want today?" Guy1: "I want a pizza with pepperoni and extra cheese, and your phone number" HB8: “Sorry, we only got chow mein, fried rice and veggies” Guy1: “I want my anniversary hug! Let’s hug each other ;)” HB8: “Sure, let’s all hug each other” (hugs herself) Guy1: “Awn alright” (does the same gesture). “I was just saying I would also give a hug to each one of you. Happy anniversary Richard! Happy anniversary Paul! (just saying random names). Then one of her coworkers after seeing the situation came and said: “Thank you very much!” Guy1: “Oh! Is your name Richard?” John (Coworker): “Yes! “ Guy2 at HB8: “What’s your name?” (Her name tag was blank) HB8: “I’m Alice. Wait I think we might be out of rice” Then she went to help at the kitchen and another coworker covered for her.

While I was there I was not angry at them, as my blue pilled white armor old self would have. But I started to feel very angry at myself and frustrated because I clearly would’ve gotten a change with that girl if I knew how to flirt or know how to handle social situations (in which I suck, because I’m an aspie). When she went to the kitchen she changed her headwear, showing her hair, and could see how that HB-8 was close to a HB-9 while I was there feeling frustrated. I was literally screaming at myself while driving back home and doubting about my place in this society.

While I'd like to tell myself that I would've acted better if I had a better day and didn't relapse, I feel like I should face the truth and accept that I will never be able to game, which is essential in this society if I want to be the better version of my red pilled self.

TL;DR starts here

Before being swallowing the red pill for the second time (which took around 4 years). I was back to my idealistic blue pilled self, and while I felt like I'd never been as successful at my business, networking and confidence, I felt sexually frustrated and know that I'd actually missed quite a lot of other opportunities where women were CLEARLY into me (arm grabbing, following up the conversation to the restroom and kept the door open, showing me pictures of her in swim suits and asking if she looked fat), but I was wearing my white armor, and didn't act on anything without a clearer signal (basically waiting for them to spell it out). I feel so stupid and I hate myself back then.

I started to remember how my blue pill days where, and how "happy" I was. Even though I was sexually frustrated, I believed that women behaved the way we were all taught when we were kids, so it was ok. But now that I'm red pilled, and clearly knowing how everyone is fucking, this frustration is leading me to depression.