Hi, guys. I have a problem I thought is was gone but it stays around. First of all, sorry for my possible mistakes. English isn't my first language.

I have 23yo and her the same age.

Everything started in October, 21, 2018, my ex-gf said that she doesn't love me like before and she can't stay with me. I was with her around 5 years and she was my first relationship (i had experience with women before her).

When she dumped me off, I entered in a deep sadness. My life became pointless and I perceived all problems with me among them me and my company was bankrupt, I had problem on my college and that girl what I thought was my romantic movie woman.

After that shit time of my life, my dad helped me a lot and I started to improve little by little my life but I never forgot the girl. I tried another girls but I can't get with them. I'm not the beauty guy but I'm not the ugly one, frequently I have some invitations to sex but I can't do it without something meaningful.

I tried, I really tried but I can't stay with anyone. My brother said to me I'm like a girl. I'm about a year without sex and about 6 months without a kiss. I became celibate by accident.

Ah, I forgot to say we have a dog together. Err, I know, shit stuff. I divide responsibility to pay his stuff and take care of him. He is what make us stay in contact with each other.

I don't follow her in social medias and I try to not talk to her. Every time I need to stay with the dog I talk to hers mother. I really try to not hurt myself staying around her. But yesterday she sent me a message about our dog. She needed money to vaccinate him and I said "I'll leave the money at your home today".

At night, I call hers mother to give the money to them. She said was not in home. Ok, call me when you're home I said. She called. I got to hers house and I saw my ex in there. First, I was ok with her around. Then, we talked about 5 hours. I felt good, guys. I felt if I tried to kiss her I could do it. But I didn't tried.

When it was 1am I got out of her house and I hugged her. I felt her smell and the dopamine took me hard.

I know redpill almost all my life and I don't act like a beta around her or someone else. I don't annoy her or speak with her almost all the time. I'm very quiet about what happened or happens to me. But I still love her, I know if we come back to our relationship it will be like always and probably not good for anyone.

What would you do in my place?