Hello. I am a long time lurker and today i wanted to share something with you. I will apologize in advance for long post, badly composed sentences etc. i am in my phone so this post can get funky..

As the title suggests i came to the conclusion that my father is a LVM. This post is supposed to be a rant, story time, shower though and discussion.

I thought that women go for LVM because they were seeing patterns at home and thought that is the norm and that is how a partner should be. I guess it is not.

My grandpa- my moms dad is a HVM. My grandma and grandpa are married for 70 something years years and they still care for eachother. They don’t fight, they embrace their differences and it seems as if my grandpa goes over and beyond to still show affection to my grandma (doing chores for her, doing things that some LVM would think are “woman” work, giving her presents and flowers, even caring for her flowers even though he doesn’t like them etc.) He is still, at 90years, a handy man and works around the house- not as much as he used to but still. He used to make toys for us kids. i find that sweet. They were kinda odd couple because they both got married pretty late tho, in their early thirties and that was unlikely for people back then.

My mother married at 21, that was the norm 40 something years ago. She chose a man who was successful and kinda rich. Mind me- they are still together and all, he never cheated, so you could say it is a successful marriage. They had few children and she cared for us. He didn’t change a diaper in his life. He didn’t teach us, he didn’t help us with our homework, he was kinda a bad dad. As if I didn’t have one. I would understand if he would work at least around the house, help with the hose work, but he is very lazy, he cannot cook, clean, repair stuff. If there weren’t my mom my father would be uncleaned and probably still living at his parents. He is emotionally immature and has alcohol problems. He isn’t aggressive but that is one thing that is again less than optimal.

I am terrified that i will one day marry a dude just like my father. That is why i am constantly searching for red flags on my bf (that can also be a bad thing for relationship, but i cannot help myself).

I am wondering what is going on with women that they have good role models in their lives but they still chose men that are maybe not very great.

My theory is that: -patterns that you see in your family do matter in what kind of partner you are subconsciously going after -depends on what kind of person you are, you tolerate different things. My grandma is very dominant and everything has to be under her conditions. My mother is a peoples pleaser so she likes that she cares for people, so i guess her marriage suits her.

All thoughts welcome, do you have similar observations?