Lately I've done a lot of soul searching to understand why I'm in the position I am today. I am someone who is seen as handsome especially after 2016 when I've slimmed down a lot. But ever since I can remember I've always swerved women and relationships generally. I always had good social confidence (back then I had manners and just used to talk absent mindedly) but internally myself esteem was serverly low. I never knew it as a child but I had strong mother/father issues (later on religion seemed to be a bit of an issue too). I'm not a kissless virgin today but I'm still very inexperienced which I'm mostly ok with and just a little conscious about.

Last yr I was briefly homeless and reconnected with a friend from school. I used to talk and hang out with her sister which I enjoyed but I realise that the girl of topic is the one I clique with so much more. We're both into similar topics and think about things in a similar way. I believe she's really humble and has an open heart for people and I think we both understand we both have a lot of pain too.

The last few times we've talked, 1) she randomly started twerking in front of me and it didn't seem to be anyone else around. 2)sometimes she highlights how we're so similar and compliments me on things no one else does like being hairy. 3) once I watched another guy's energy drop the moment her attention was placed on me. 4) she's stopped talking about her bf (I never bring him up or indulge in convos about him) sometimes she alludes to escaping life and living simply .... The way she says it I'm not 100% sure if she's hinting that I'm in the dream too.

Last of all.

-hasnt called me "cute" once.

  • haven't heard "if I could have someone like you"

-agrees and tries to boost me (however she is a genuine supportive type)

Pls tell me what you think? This I feel is a level up from my he crush. I'm much less giddy these days a love how she inspires me to be better.