I just ended a 9 month LTR and wanted to post my summary.

I met this girl in April, 4 months after I'd discovered The Red Pill.

Historically, I'd been both RP and BP, but never aware of the difference, and certainly often lost RP beginnings to BP supplication after months of trying to keep a GF happy. I swallowed the red pill with difficulty, but happily. Looking back on this last relationship, I'm not sure whether I took certain lessons too far, or hadn't digested the pill enough, or if it's just a question of personal failings that I need to improve upon. Here goes:

In the winter after discovering the Red Pill, I did some excellent plate spinning. Trying out my techniques to largely successful results with a handful of girls. Nothing I wanted to commit to.

I work in video production. I live between NYC and a Western European city. I went to this city last spring after a good couple months of work where I made great money. I just wanted to take it easy for two weeks and see some old friends. I went to a friend's networking event (social proof: I knew the organizer), with the hope of scoring a young new ONS among the starlets there. I gamed well that night. I started talking in a group that included an Eastern European woman, age 31. Let's call her Inga. I could sense she was a bit interested in me, and vice versa, so I decided to scope out other corners of the party. I immediately attract the attention of an older woman, over 40, but a dancer, with a great body. I end up taking this 40-something home. I work my red pill magic. She gives me LMR (I never do this; it was fun to make out, but I don't sleep with you so quickly) and we end up sleeping together and she goes home at 4am.

I see this ONS one more time the next week. In the meantime, the Eastern European girl FB's me and says she would like to meet up and get to know me. I keep it very unemotional. "I can do Wednesday". We get a drink. I move her to a second bar. I half-invite myself to her place. I subtly hint to get her to show me her bedroom but she plays it off, but she's not stupid, she knows what I'm trying. We have a nice time talking, drinking, eating. When I leave past midnight, I surprise her with a kiss on the lips.

To give a brief background on her, she was a model and soap opera actress in her Eastern European home country. She then got her own fashion-related TV show around age 23. She left all that behind around age 26 to move to this other city. Now she is working a different job related to fashion and cinema. But she's obviously very good-looking, very stylish, and had a very high SMV being beautiful and famous at an earlier age… she's still hot and very in shape at 31, but obviously she can't nearly garner as much attention now as when her whole country watched her on TV in prime and there were articles written about her in the tabloids. But she is, to be fair, a rather grounded person and that stuff doesn't mean much to her. She willingly gave it up. She doesn't miss it, but who knows if the attention and validation still play a role on her psychology.

She invites me to her friend's party a couple days later. I go. Nice time. I tell her that I'm going to a monastery a few hours away the next day. I had mentioned it the previous time, but now I invite her if she wants to get away from the city. She says she'll think about it. At the end of the night, she says ok. I go to my own apartment that night, then pick her up the next morning.

We go to the monastery. It's beautiful. We spend hours and hours talking there in the quiet countryside under the stars. We're supposed to sleep in separate rooms in the monastery, but we end up sleeping in the same room, and sleeping together. (The next day one of the monks mentions he saw only one light on in the guest house. And he winkingly says he guesses Inga wasn't too cold at night. See, Catholics can be cool.)

We have a nice weekend and I am supposed to fly back to the U.S. on Monday. Taking to leisurely a time to get to the airport, I miss check-in for my flight by 5 minutes. It gives me an extra night to spend with her. We have sex. Without a condom. For whatever reason, this made me feel extra close to her. But I have to leave the next day.

She didn't know what to expect after that. But I keep writing her and tell her I'll be back soon. I have a friend's wedding in the summer, but I'll try to come sooner, just for her. I start writing her every day. We start going out. Long-distance.

Now, for the first couple weeks, I kept spinning two of the plates I had in NYC. Just two or three times and then I either lost interest or the girl did something to make me next her.

Late May I visit my new girlfriend. Let's say two things happen. One, normal good new relationship stuff. Two, she starts her shit-testing, which begins with her showing me a photo of a former "fuckbuddy". She probably meant FWB, as we don't communicate in her native language. But I found "fuckbuddy" to be really vulgar. At first I tried to ignore her showing me that guy, a 40 year-old African DJ who I later learn had a kid. She also showed me a photo of the guy she was engaged to 6 years ago. Also black. I don't make an issue about them being black. Rather, I mention it because SHE made a big deal about it. Her Eastern European father is racist against blacks, so this was a way of provoking him (or as she said, combatting racism). So the real issue here is not that she's been with black guys, but that she uses black guys to provoke her father, and now me. So I at first ignore. Then I agree and amplify. Oh, those are your exes, here are some old photos of my exes. There, we good now?

When she still didn't get enough of a reaction about her black fuckbuddy, she starts telling me about her time with him. All I can remember, 7 months later, is that she spoke about how she didn't feel much for him, but just "needed a man in her bed." I know this is a shit-test, but I'm actually getting kind of pissed. I feel disrespected and a little grossed out. I've only known this girl for 2 months, and she repeatedly tries to give me sexual info about him.

When I start to say, that's enough now, she changes her story, saying that he was like a boyfriend. When I ask her to tell me about their relationship, she says it was really casual. So I'm like, so basically a "fuckbuddy"? She's like, yeah.

She's fucking with me. I don't know the RP way to act about it. Do I need to be stoic and ignore it? Or does this deserve a nexting?

Now, in the meantime, apart from this single issue, things are pretty good. Great sex. I like her Eastern European ways. She treats me well and seems to do a lot to keep me happy.

But on my next trip back to the states, the images of the fuckbuddy she showed me keeps running through my head. A long-distance LTR isn't worth it if you're not quite serious about it going somewhere. We were 33 and 31. We work in the same field, different roles. I'd already been able to hire her as my assistant. (She was able to return the favor later on… selling my services to people in our industry, getting me work, too. So it's a helpful work relationship as well.) So I'm like, yeah, I could really bring this girl over to the US. I don't want to deal with American bitches. I can't stand them. We could be happy together, and work together. Could be a good team.

But I can't get the photo of her fuck-buddy out of my head. I'm back here for work and it's haunting me every hour of the day. I'm just here for a week for work, but during that week, I email her that I need some time to myself in the days before I fly back (4 days away.) I just felt too disgusted to be able to Skype with her or write nice things.

I get back to her and we meet up. I tell her that I have felt so disgusted by her talk of the sexual past. And I can't imagine myself taking for the mother of my children some DJ's fuckbuddy. But I stopped short of saying I didn't want to see her any more. Knowing this was all just provocation and shit-testing, I wanted to overcome it and keep the benefits of the relationship and work on MYSELF and my capacity to get better behavior out of her.

The next month we spent together. It was ok but not perfect.

When I got back to NYC again, I just felt better being out of her grips. I enjoyed my friends, work, freedom. I liked keeping in touch with her, but felt better with her at a distance. Now, judge as you wish, but in my freedom, I went on a Tinder date. Kissed the girl, but no more. I wasn't that impressed, didn't follow up. And then the real big sin of the relationship, an ex was visiting NYC and I invited her to stay with me and we slept together.

It's easy to look back now and say I should have just nexted my gf because I clearly wasn't committed to this. And cheating is of course wrong. But at the time, in my head, with the distance, and being new to RP, I just kind of wanted to figure things out and test myself and my own behavior and interactions with women. After sleeping with my ex, I felt a really strong desire to be with my gf. I could give a shit about my ex, and was happy to have her leave after her stay. All the flaws I saw in my gf, I now saw as very meager. She was so much better of a woman than this ex, or any gf I'd previously been with. So, ironically, after the cheating, I decided she was worth more commitment.

I fly to see her, she greets me with sex immediately as I walk in the door. We have really great, powerful sex for two days. I had another friend in town staying with us and we all went out together and had a great time. For two days.

Then, my gf went through my emails when I was out one afternoon.

I must have had my suspicions, because I kept an eye on what tab I left open so I would know if she went into my gmail folder. When I got home 3 hours later, she acted odd, I went straight to my computer, and saw that the tabs had changed. I looked through my history. She had read e-mails from my ex.

Luckily, there was only one email. I had written her, "Have a safe trip home. It was great seeing you for our crazy weekend." My ex's reply was even more innocent. "So good to spend time with an old friend" or something like that.

But it was enough that my gf could figure out what probably happened.

I was torn. Do I break up with her for going through my email? That is an immediate nexting offense. Do I tell her the truth? Do I lie?

Feel free to judge me for my moral failings. I know I made wrong decisions. But I decided that she didn't have enough information to prove anything. She didn't have the right to look through my email. So she didn't deserve the truth. So I denied. I said my ex stayed with me, but nothing happened, as she has done many times in the past. Which is true. She's dropped by NYC in the past and stayed on my couch for a couple days and nothing at all happened with us. Not even flirting. But for whatever reason, this time, we did it.

She sends me to sleep on the couch that night. I know RP is against accepting the couch. But it was her house and it was pretty awful what she just found out. I accepted it.

Long story short, we have a rough couple days. I fly back to the States. She is very mad. After a week, she Skypes me to say that she can't accept what I've done (though I still denied it and tried to get an apology for breaking into my email). And that she never wants to hear from me again.

Ok, clearly, this relationship had its obstacles, issues, imperfections. I feel a bit heartbroken but I move on. After a few days, I go out with this other girl who'd been expressing interest.

After 10 days, Inga messages me. She misses me. She wants us to start afresh. I say ok.

Things are good on the long distance communications. I get her a ticket to New York. She sets up meetings. We're excited about forgetting the past and working on the future. We have a great 3 weeks in NYC. She meets my parents and brother. They all like her a lot. She gets into a little jealous fight or two over me hanging out one night with another old friend instead of her, and then the fact that a girl I once made out with I invited to my birthday party. But overall, it's a really lovely trip.

She flies home. I join her a week later. This is now late December. Apparently the girl at my party whom I had made out with 15 months previously reset all the jealousy and insecurity buttons.

After a nice first week where we had a job that we worked on together, she starts with the long talks about her exes like she had done early in the relationship. I listened to 3 hours one night and 3 hours another night. She keeps pushing the boundary with her vocabulary. She never compares us sexually (if I had to guess, she wouldn't feel like she's missing out on anything where our sex life is concerned) but she would talk about them sexually enough to make me feel very uncomfortable. And no matter what I try, I can't get her to stop talking about them. Maybe I'm too sensitive to the impression I get from words, but she starts talking about how when she was with the fuckbuddy, she had a "need to be penetrated".

I kinda lose my cool and argue with her about what the fuck is she doing talking to her boyfriend about her "need to be penetrated" by a fuckbuddy 2 years earlier who she no longer has any contact or feelings for. I started getting nightmares of her fucking her exes in front of my eyes. She more or less admits it's vengeance for me "lying." Then I point out all the lies she told me early in our relationship. They were shit-testing lies, or as she justifies it… I had to tell you those lies to get you to talk. You just weren't opening up to me.

We fight and fight. I'm like, what the Fuck, I just flew here to spend a month with you and we spend 3 entire weeks fighting. This is a bad relationship.

Long story short, I broke up with her there. It didn't stick, though. But when I flew back to New York, I broke up with her for good after a week when the same fights kept raging. Which were often, after she promised to stop talking about her exes (which she did), her interrogating me on random things over the last 9 months. Who was at that party with you last June? Who was there when you went to the beach last September? She felt she had the right to ask as many times as she wanted since she couldn't trust me since she knew I was a liar.

The thing was, yes, I had cheated and denied it. But there was nothing else going on outside of that. So 99% of her questions just annoyed the fuck out of me because I had nothing to hide. Nothing happened that weekend at the beach Nothing happened during my job in Toronto. Nothing ever happened between me and my long time female friend D. Nothing ever happened between me and my long time female friend A. Etc. etc. But when I got tired of her relentless questioning, she saw that as a sign of guilt. If I didn't want to answer her questions, it was because I was hiding something. No, I was just tired of living like that and didn't want to live like that in the future. And we got to talking about her coming to NYC to stay for 2 months, and the interrogation hadn't stopped, I was like, No, I can't do this. And I broke up with her.

That was about 10 days ago.

Now, I'm having a hard time analyzing my own situation. Certainly cheating is morally wrong. But was my mistake that I really didn't want to commit early on and should have never promised anything to begin with? Or once she wanted to get back to me, should she have agreed to let the past stay in the past? Or should I have done more to reassure her, given what I'd done? Or were the photos of the fuckbuddy, and talking about her "need to be penetrated" already too much, red flags, behavior I shouldn't have put up with to begin with? Should I have done better to win at these shit-tests? Obviously the main thing to beat these shit tests is to have the SMV. I think I'm doing pretty well. I'm tall, doing well in a very competitive industry, working with people more famous than she ever was, and a promising future, not to mention I guess I'm attractive enough to have exes kinda alpha widowed over me.

Anyway, it's always easier to see other people's situations than one's own. This was my first relationship after taking the Red Pill and I'm not sure how to evaluate what happened. So, I offer it to you, to evaluate this 9 month LDR in light of the Red Pill. I merely present my report, taking full responsibility for some things that I already know were mistakes, both from a moral perspective and an RP perspective.