So, I completely ruined things with one guy like just yesterday. And I know that in the grand scheme of things, it wouldn't matter and that I could just find another.

The problem though is that I don't think I'm able to think properly. I can't figure out if he ever even once liked me or not, and whether I projected the whole thing. I know that mixed signals are basically ultimately a 'no', and it pained me to realise that in-person was when he gave me a lot of attention, compliments, etc. But whenever I didn't see him, he'd just disappear, and then get surprised whenever I got upset over it the next time I saw him. He literally was the one who kept asking me to talk to him (over text for the times I didn't see him), and was the one who set up all our meetings. I ruined it by getting upset and telling him that he never cared about me and never will; blocked and then unblocked; and called multiple times until he told me that it'd be best I take some distance rn for myself lol

But enough about him, I realised that this is a general trend I've had with most guys I've been interested in. They get interested in my slightly-crazy, weird and careless self. And then whenever I notice they like me, or if they're simply nice to me, I get super attached. Like no restraints (except sex, luckily). And it becomes a cycle where if they ignore me, I go crazy and switch between loving and hating them. And if they shower me with attention, I see them as acting weird, 'below' me, or just smothering

The only times I feel stable is when a relationship is 6+ months, after I notice that he hasn't abandoned me after I act flaky af and somewhat mean

How do I fix this? (21f btw)