So this is just to get it off my chest. I've never made this list before, and felt like i had to.

- Father has been physically and emotionally abusing my mother, my little brother and me for 18 years. We had to whisper in the house and shit, so he wouldnt hear us.

- Got bullied in school, for mostly being a coloured person (and sometimes for being poor)

- Don't really have familiy that gives a fuck about me, apart from my mother and brother.

- High school girlfriend of one year was ashemed of me and kept me a secret to her parents but openly flirted with other guys. She eventually cheated on me.

- Dropped out of high school, couldnt make the exam. Tried another year, failed again.

- We had to flee from our house because my father just went ape shit one day. Cocaine and narcissism got the best of him.

- Had to work as a construction worker to get rid of my fathers debt, he left us with. (weird financial situation, because they had a shared house).

Okay. So that's all the negative bullshit. After this period. It only got better. I found friends who truly loved me for the person I am. Went back to school (community college) and eventually got accepted into University for musicology. I've experimented a lot with drugs, but only to come out stronger. Psychedlics have taught me a lot about myself. And right now i have a beautiful girlfriend.
I still struggle with shit tho. Like loving her unconditionally isnt the problem, but showing it comes hard to me. Shit like that. But over time I've learned to not run away from those demons anymore. I used to lay awake for days in a row, because i was to scared to meet my father in my nightmares.
Right now, I'm training Muay Thai and want to train MMA in the near future. Not to beat people up. But it feels good knowing that you can. Knowing that you are strong and not defenseless against the world. I'm focussing on my own shit right now and it works.

I used to be afraid to meditate because it was too chaotic in there. Now, i embrace that chaos and im like: Okay if there's thought that wants to fuck me up, i'm ready to fight. And it works for me.

So my advice to anyone. Do some psychedelics, train Martial Arts and identify your demons so you can fight them. Don't be such a pussy. And i mean this in the best way possible. For example, i was a pussy when it came to being nice to myself. I would not express my pain and shit, but eventually it would still be there. So, i acknowledge everything right now. I'm still afraid of my dad? Cool. Let's train to fuck him up them. And in the proces, i forget about that loser.

Goodluck warriors

​

PS: I read a lot of shit about becoming an alpha and shit. My girlfriend is 10/10 and i got her eventhough i wasnt on top of my game. I was in a low point. BUT. I have always remained true to who I was as a person, and that resonates through whatever youre going through. So fuck all those alpha guidelines and just make sure you believe in you. Don't let your surroundings define and youre good.