http://www.permanentguest.com/openers-suck/

Permanentguest writes a brief note on why your openers suck. In a nutshell, he says it's because you're overthinking it. And you're overthinking it because you're overeager. And overeagerness is a species of neediness.

He proposes a threefold cure for this kind of neediness, namely:

I have had the displeasure of witnessing utterly cringe-inducing and gut-wrenching opener-fails by self-conscious young men pathetically attempting to get over themselves and come across as smooth, but it only ends in a mushroom cloud of self-immolation. Until recently I have chalked this up to simple emotional immaturity without further analysis, but permanentguest's analysis rings true for me: specifically it seems to stem from a lack of self-knowledge.

Another aspect of the problem also seems to be the fact that a lot of young men just aren't interesting people to begin with. Many have no interests of their own beyond the usual run-of-the-mill computer games or maybe the latest trendy liquor. And it shows in their regular conversational skills. Sometimes I eavesdrop on them and I can't even follow what they're talking about, much less figure out what they're saying about the topic. If anything they sound like they are merely waiting their turn to say something, anything.

In my own conversations with some of them, I have noticed an inability to see the bigger picture of where a conversation is going. I've found myself holding up far more than my share of the burden, pulling trick after trick out of my Dale Carnegie conversational toolbox, getting them to talk about themselves or about something - anything - they're passionate about, or at least know more about than anyone else in the room. But there's nothing there. Just a washed-out canyon of blah behind those eyes.

Just as a disclaimer, I want to make it clear that I'm not cornering these boys and making an over-friendly annoyance of myself. I've seen people do that too - that's not the case here.

And then some of them complain that women don't want to talk to them. In the past I have diplomatically counseled them that maybe they shouldn't be approaching shallow club girls in the first place. But now, reflecting on permanentguest's blogpost, I see that it's because these boys are simply uninteresting people who have nothing to offer, and in the future my advice will be, "Be interesting".

But if the most interesting aspect of yourself is the fact you're vaping banana cream pie tonight, well ... you've got to start somewhere.