English is not my native language, so bare with me. So I'm in an LTR with a girl(quite a lovely girl hb7-8 I'd say) from medicine school, she's in my class ish. We have the same social circle etc. So I'm definetly spraying hot and steamy shit on my dinner, I know that now. The things is. I'm am pretty fucking low SMV, or at least I perceive myself as such(more so after reading trp). I started this LTR about 6 months after joining med school, and since then I've alienated what friends I had and neglected my hobbies etc. And I'm not active or doing too well in school, and not sleeping too well plus my hamster is going crazy.

This has definetly reflected on me, and we do not have nearly as much sex as we used to and it's mostly me who initiates. The decline is recent(I think?), and the day before yesterday we were almost going at it, and she asked if I wanted to have sex already? We should talk a bit instead. We did not have sex that night ofc. She still reaches out and wants to hang and do shit all the time, but I dont think I give her the tingles too much anymore.

Now I'm in a dump. I like fucking her and being with her(mostly), but I know I won't stay with her. Simply not good material according to standards, too many red flags etc.

The thing is, leaving her would make my life harder. I'm friends with her girlfriends and she's friends with my friends, they might even like her more. I hate this fact. I dont think she would fuck me over, but then again..

I am not good socially, sometimes I can be extremely good and on a roll, but most of the time I'm just a classic overthinker.

My hamster wheel is crazy atm, and I'm feeling trapped, like I never did shit with my life and have nothing to show for it. Working out and doing stuff towards my goals helps keep those weak emotional thought in check, or at least I try to let them fuel me.

We have Christmas coming up, a vacation planned and my 25th birthday coming up.

As I see it I could either a) leave as soon as possible, deal with the huge pile of shit that comes with it (this would be really tough to deal with rn) Focus on me and my hobbies, gain a few solid friends and hobbies. Maybe get a job. Take it from there. Improve. Maybe a plate comes a long.

Or I could b) stay with her strategically(for a lack of a better word) and still do all of those things with the pro of providing dread and sex+ the social aspect, and the practice of handling shittests and women I general, but with the con of my hamster rambles thinking about her.. until I am in a place where I can leave and not suffer as many repercussions, and then continue on to a from a better standpoint.

Info. I'm 6'1 and decent looking guy with a very low BMI and a very well defined body(not shredded). I'm not lifting yet. I play guitar and I really want to learn how to sing. I am currently doing the moveu program to fix my posture and the shitload of injuries that I've had and neglected since I was 15, I'm trying to take it very seriously(fell off the wagon more than a few times), I want to run, climb, lift and take up martial arts. It seems very far away, as my situation musculoskeletal-wise is not optimal. Yet. The lack of discipline is my greatest vice. currently dealing with that by doing the same five things everyday until they become a habit.