I've realized that most of my neediness, which repulses people, comes from the need to belong and to be validated by others. I do that by thinking twice before speaking to say "everything right"(I'm a little autistic) and by being self-conscious about my actions, which is both exhausting to me, but also to the one I'm interacting with. I have discovered that if I just let go of my need for validation and simply let go of thinking what people are gonna say or think about me, I become much more pleasant to other people and to myself.

I remember when I went solo-traveling, I was always on the look for people to cling on to. I was terrified of being by myself as I was completely alone in a foreign country far away from home. A frustration I've had for months was that I'm gonna be home alone this year for New Year's Eve. To be honest, I think that the universe is testing me to see if I can handle being alone while everyone is out having fun besides me, and I gladly accept this challenge instead of crashing some random party where I don't even know people.

Now reading Woujo's post about insecurity, I realize and acknowledge that our biggest drive is to belong and that is the reason for the most of the things we do in life. And it's true as looking back, the only worthy things I've ever done in life is to belong as I personally didn't have any drive to do them if they weren't for the validation of others. And yes, I've been harshly rejected by most throughout my life.

The question is if I can make a conscious effort and become totally indifferent to the opinion of others and be like Mike on this meme:

https://pics.me.me/everyone-wants-to-be-liked-and-accepted-except-for-mike-63134342.png