New to TRP. I don't consider myself into Reddit, but TRP has me coming back for more. Probably won't partake much, so take what you will from my post and my attempt to contribute some content. (INB4 Cool Story Bro -- is that a thing here?)
I'm still trying to figure out who I am as I navigate through life, which I’m sure will be an on-going process. As life goes on lessons are learned and I know that both positive and negative experiences serve as a learning experience. Strangely, as I've read through the posts in TRP, I've found many similarities to the lessons I learned the hard way through my own life experiences and I wish I would have found this place sooner to maybe save some time, effort and grief.
I guess you could say that in my early life I’ve had some Beta traits, maybe some blue pill and a touch of introversion – but I like to think that I’m growing out of all that now. I’ve never been a plate spinner, but maybe it is time to try it out.
While I'm only 25 I've managed to be in a LTR with a crazy girl as well as just splitting from dating an older, decent, woman. I won't delve too much into the specifics, but my younger self wound up with a crazy girl that was on/off for ~4 years and at times had me thinking I needed to be 5150'd. After dealing with the final break up (double digit breakups) and going into monk mode unintentionally via work/school/booze, I finally felt ready to engage after almost 2 years of working on myself. Just last year I met an attractive woman (practically old enough to be my mom) whom I'd like to consider relatively decent as she was a woman that was kind, honest and nurturing but also took care of her own shit. While we dated for almost a year this past break-up hardly caused a bump in my road - but perhaps that's because we weren't attached at the hip, I wasn’t 100% emotionally invested and I took care of my own shit while we were dating so I had my own shit to fall back on instead of floundering like a fish out of water when we were done.
So where am I today? I've come to realize - sex is just sex. It's something we all enjoy, but it's not the end all be all (at least for me). I’m not going to die if I don’t have it. I don't make sex my top priority and I don't make girls my top priority, in fact I don't even make my friends my top priority. Why? I am my top priority. It sounds selfish as fuck, but at the end of the day I am the only person that has to deal with me successes or failures and I am the only person that will secure my wellbeing – nobody else. I found at one point in my life when my drivers’ license was suspended the majority of people in my contacts list didn’t call as much – maybe because they didn’t like having to go out of their way to meet up or because I couldn’t travel to them. Likewise, an interesting experiment, which you can do at any time, is to see which people will continue to consistently reach out to you when you initiate less, or even zero, contact with them.
Here’s a few tidbits I’ve picked up from the internet along my way:
Two Rules
1) Surround yourself with people smarter and wiser than you.
2) When you get in trouble or need help, refer to rule 1.
- Make yourself the top priority, but always be kind to others
- They said they couldn't imagine me not in their life, but they had very clearly not imagined themselves in mine
- When you need them, they ignore you. When they need you, they're all over you.
So what compelled me to write all of this? Reading TRP triggered me to an epiphany like moment and caused me to take a step back to look at the big picture. I hate to say it but I have found myself becoming more jaded (zero fucks), whether it is to protect my emotional well-being or my own person - I’m not quite sure, maybe I’m just seeing that life isn’t always rainbows and unicorns.
As far as branch/nut swingers go, who wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to trade up their current daily driver for a nice new [Ideal Expensive Car] at no additional cost? The same can be applied to your fuck buddy, significant other or whatever you decide to call them and yourself – shit, maybe even your friends. I suppose there has to be a pretty compelling reason not to upgrade in most cases.
What I’ve come to know is that I am the only person that will always look out for me, maybe with Dad as an exception. As I said previously, I wish I would have found this place sooner and I hope that my post will resonate with someone out there.
TLDR: There is no safety net. I am responsible for me. Secure your being. People come and go. Life goes on. Sonder.
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