Since tough love apparently is unacceptable on TRP I've gone ahead and re-written my profanity-laced rant into something more palatable for the masses.

So you’re ugly eh? Aw you poor thing, come here and let me make you feel better.

Did you take a shower and comb your hair today honey? You should do that, girls like when boys are clean.

Have you lifted your weights today? Oh well you should sweetie, because it’s good for you to be big and strong!

Women aren’t everything, you don’t NEED one in your life sugarplum, you can get by fine on your own until you find the girl that’s just right for you!

Do you lack confidence because of your looks, don’t, you’re perfect just the way you are!

OK maybe you look like Quasimodo, that’s ok there’s still a girl out there who will love you for you!

I know you’re insecure regarding your looks but you’ve got to buck up kiddo! The girls can tell when you’re feeling bad about yourself and they don’t like boys who wallow in self-pity.

But if you work real hard, stay clean and improve your situation you will be light years ahead of the other boys in class!

Girls can sense your lack of confidence…It’s like they have “feel bad” sensors and when you’ve been beating yourself up because you don’t feel perfect, it causes these sensors to say maybe this boy isn’t the one for me.

The opportunity is there, you just have to take it, own it, own your faults, own your perfect as you are face and don’t let it phase you cause guess what, you’re just so great!

TL;DR – Rainbow farts and trophies for all! Here’s your not ugly trophy!