I had small bouts of anxiety and depression for the first time in my life last year. Started to understand it and make small changes until it was 99% out of my life.

I’ve just come off a steroid(prednisone) that can trigger insomnia, anxiety, and mood swings a couple weeks ago. Did my best with hot yoga, heavy lifts, and runs to sweat that shit out of my system.

But, it started to bring the feeling of anxiety back and made it familiar again.

This weekend I went out to a restaurant with my girl and we were enjoying things until I started to feel my breath getting shallow, chest tightening for no reason.

At that moment our conversation happened to slip towards if I’m as committed to this as her. The timing couldn’t have been worse to hold frame. I paused and she said “ok that’s my answer”

We go back home and got in bed, made an attempt to get on the same page but by this point I couldn’t get out of my head and out of my way. I went to the bathroom and started to feel some of the worst, self critical, doubting thoughts about myself out of nowhere. I was having the worst anxiety experience I’ve ever had and at this point just had nowhere to go.

I explained what was happening, she got me a cold towel, and soon after I was back to myself.

She was very nuturing and supporting, we came back around on where the conversation went south while out to dinner, and I woke up with her rubbing my arm and wanting morning sex. Overall she was about as understanding and supportive as I’ve ever seen someone be in my life.

Now that the weekend has past and we’ve even talked lightly/jokingly about what happened, I now know she’s seen me lose my composure and watch her guy have full blown anxiety.

I want to move past this obviously but I’m in my head if I caused some damage to her image of who I am.