Background

After my divorce, I spent a lot of time thinking about life. A LOT of time. I will spare you the detail, as I am sure many of you have been on the same soul-searching path I traveled.

This forced me to think about what comes next. I looked around the internet for inspiration. The Red Pill sub stands out, and while that sub was great, it left me feeling like something was lacking. The same with religion, philosophy, friends, family, self-help books, and even comedians (Terrence Popp stands out). Nothing seemed to complete the picture for me.

As a father, I had to keep on keeping on. So I did.

A while after I found out my ex was dating someone new, I decided it was time for me to dip my toes into the online dating waters. That's a story for another time. But before I did this, I had to decide on the BARE MINIMUM requirements I would have for a new woman in my life.

Main Points

After the divorce, I had to do all of the things my ex wife used to do: Cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry etc. on top of work and taking kids here and there on the days I had them. As it turned out, I actually enjoyed cooking for them, cleaning the house, shopping, and getting them ready for school in the morning, and all of that. And I still do.

I also learned that I HATE doing laundry. Who knew?

I did all of this for a while, but it was time consuming with only me there to do it all. So I decided to outsource what I could:

  • Hired a cleaning company to send cleaning ladies to my place once a week to deep scrub the place, change sheets, etc.
  • Hired a laundry place to wash, dry, fold laundry. (They pick up and deliver to!)
  • Went to a massage place in my local mall once a month (it is out in the open, you perverts)
  • Order take out from a restaurant run by a Peruvian woman some nights (Peruvian food is amazing btw). Other nights it is Italian or Chinese or pizza. The rest of the time I cook.
  • Talk with and hang out with friends for companionship (which was very important after the divorce.)

Since I make my own money, pay my own bills, teach & nurture my children, and outsource just about everything else, I hit a bit of a quandary. What do I need a woman for?

This sounds like a simple question. But I ask you to step back and read that again - What do I REALLY NEED a woman for?

If you respond, SEX, you would be wrong. Most of us can get that pretty easily. With online dating and all the easy women running around these days, t is easier than ever to get sex. Sure the quality would be low, but if we lowered the bar low enough, we all can admit that there is some heifer out there for us. That is IF sex were the only thing we needed.

I will leave masturbation out of this, since we all know that this is a temporary fix, and oftentimes less than satisfying.

So, of all of the old school things that women used to provide for a man in return for all the things he brings to the table, it boiled down to one simple need: Intimacy.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs assumes that sex is a basic need. But this is wrong, or at least incomplete. Think about it - if SEX were the only need, then prostitution or masturbation would suffice, and humanity would have long since perished. I cannot speak for women, but men need something more than just an orgasm. Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Dopamine are REAL and they are powerful.

What men need is an authentic connection with a woman. In other words, Intimacy.

My formula for intimacy is: Intimacy = Trust + Respect + Sexual Chemistry.

So it follows that:

  • Trust + Respect = Good friends

  • Trust + Sex = Friends with benefits

  • Respect + Sex = Fuck buddies

The truth is that men need all three ingredients or we would never EVER get married. We BOND with women for a reason, and the world seems to be completely oblivious to this. Even most men drink the "men are pigs and dogs" kool aid.

The old evolutionary biologist answers (life is about procreation, orgasms, dual mating, and promiscuity, etc) are flimsy. And any man who has felt true love, and lost it, knows better. It is time to get a better understanding of this so that we might pass it down to future generations. Traditions protected this but they never explained why. Perhaps science can give this to us now and we can merge tradition, science, and wisdom into one cohesive bundle on at least this one human phenomenon.

Conclusion

Yes, sometimes we just need a nut to go to sleep. Yes, we want to fuck a lot of the women we see. And yes, sex with the same person can get boring over time.

It is time to put the old stereotype of men as animals who only seek one thing. First, not all men are wired the same. Second, it is more complex than that for most men. And third, any man who is all about sex and nothing more, we call those men "bad boys", "Chads" etc. They are who they are, and women are free to chase them. But we all know how that ends up.

Show me a man with discipline, who has a good woman who never gives him reason to mistrust her, and who share a common purpose like family and retirement, and who share all the ingredients required for intimacy, and I will show you a happily married couple who at least stand a chance of making it through life.

We cannot control our women, but we CAN be the type of man that a good woman will be desperate to find. If we are out there, then so are at least a few of them.

Have a good weekend.

Edit: Formatting and some words and grammar issues.