jesus fuck man i can’t help but feel i blew it (18M), 3 months ago i started hitting it off with a chick i went to highschool with (18F), we started talking first semester college and man she has everything i find attractive in a girl, curly black hair check, plump and physically in shape, smart and literate check, chemistry and meaningful convos check, dated a couple of times and we started getting intimate (making out, groping etc no sex tho) here’s where i think it gets fucked: she asked me where i think this should go, i said and bear with me here “we’ll just see what happens i don’t want to force anything on you and create rules i’m having fun let’s keep it going” . it was till i noticed i was the only one making plans she flaked claiming she was tired 2 times in a row(she was manager at hair place so possible?) i thought by not initiating this would create SMV by showing idgaf but that clearly didn’t work she stopped texting too. fuck man i can’t help but think i shot myself in the foot and i feel fucking pissed and sad wondering what could of been if i failed a shit test or something, she’s on my mind more often possibly because this is the first chick who i became intimate with. Fuck apart of me remains blue pulled and thinks it was special, but right now i’m just fucking angry at everything and sad that nothing came to be i don’t want to swallow the pill that she doesn’t give a shit but it’s most likely true,she just exited a LTR with some dude in highschool. here i am with fucking onetis thinking about her and having feels fuck man i don’t know i feel like breaking down in the dark like a bitch. obviously this is a confidence issue i just don’t know anymore so much shit to carry on theredpill i feel like such a pussy not being able to forget her. i started lifting and working out after and focusing more on pursuits in programming and school. Does this blow over? because it sure as shit doesn’t feel like it i found her insta and fuck she’s so gorgeous man and it was confirmed she doesn’t give a fuck she had photos with her ex still posted when they went to prom, i had to delete insta because i feel fucking cucked because i let myself career. idk anymore bro’s i’ve been really depressed and ultimately it stems from fear and turns into anger. idgaf for the long post,i created a throwaway just so i can release these feelings, everyone else IRL is fucking blue pilled and would say some bullshit about listening to your heart and someone is out there for me. i literally have nobody to talk to about these problems i feel so alone man so fucking lonely. i only knew how lonely i was when i took dmt and started having realization of who i was as a person, i took a hard look and saw a pussy, and i been working on my life but fuck man it feels like the only people i relate to are people on the internet who the general public thinks are fucking schizos and womanizers.