Lately in my life ever since Ive swallowed the redpill for almost 2 years now Ive just felt more and more alone. Not in the sense being lonely like Im afraid of being alone, but the feeling that nobody really cares or loves me. And my life has just felt hollow because of it. I know I shouldnt care about something like that because we are men why the fuck would we care if nobody loves us. Its not a lack of self esteem. Its just this numbness and not feeling the same connections others feel with eachother anymore. I sort of see people as bags of meat now unfortunately because of this horrid gynocentric culture which I cant unsee anymore.

To give some background about my life, for as long as I can remember I always had a very helicopter mother who was a control freak, who always tried to stop my interests and push hers upon me. Shs treated me like I was a puppet more than her child and would verbally shame me or slap me if I stood up to her. Going so far as to say insert my friends think Im garbadge behind my back or tell me if I cant take her jokes I cant be a part of this family. And my father while there in my life, never bothered to really raise me, and teach me what he knew. Even he at times would be a cuck to my mother and wouldnt stand at my side or defend my position when we got into nasty arguments even when I knew I was right. I tried multiple times throughout my life trying to get them to understand my passions in life and they just would ignore me while watching telelvision or whatever. Like I originally wanted to be a marine biologist for example, because I had a love for science and the ocean. Most of my life I was never even asked how was my day at school, and when I was a child I used to think about hooking up with some woman later in my life so I could build a better family to replace the one I never really had. Back when I was bluepilled. Be a better father than my own was. But Ive killed those dreams since Ive woken up to the truth.

Recently in my life Ive seen my close mates turn into sjw types concerned with the lgtbq and other women empowerment shit. Watched them throw argue with people on social media just for different beliefs. Its crazy because these guys were just nerd men, that before couldnt care less about this shit. And now that I know everything I know I feel like the keeper of a forbidden truth and I know if I opened my mouth about any of what I understand they would stop at no end to try and ruin my life because of how sensitive they are already with that shit.

And it hurts because these were my brothers I used to go to and chill with to bury my family issues back home. They gave me support and advice that helped me back then. But now Im afraid im going to have to burn those bridges if they continue.

and as far as women, any woman I get close to. You know engage sexually maybe I go over to her place for a bit. it just feels empty because I never tell her about my personal life because I know if I were to be that vulnerable she'll just use it to attack me later on. Even if she doesnt, she can never be mine its just my turn. So whats the point of establishing anything. Or aspiring for her to be something more to me. And I just see now, the more I ignore and toy with her by keeping on my goals the more she wants me. And all of it just rattles my brain because its all fuckin true. And because I understand female nature all of it just comes off as selfish from her end. Its not love. Its just what can you do for me. Any I love you or her feeling anything for me is just me being able to make her feel good right now.

My conclusion point is, I wish I had some redpill friends, or just real brothers in my life. I look at all these forum posts every now and then, and I think to myself see these men are legit. These are the guys im missing from my life. But no matter where I look I cant seem to find them or people like you. Our culture now is like a cancer upon people, and it makes me feel like I wont find those good connections because of that. I think we all know if society was to identify all of us that think with this mindset about going your own way and not giving a fuck about marriage or really the system it would actively try to destroy us.

I guess Im just slowly feeling depressed because Im realizing my life is missing something really important which isnt there. There's a saying no man is an island but that's how I feel.