I was told my whole life that I am pessimistic because I see the problems in the world around me that people chose to ignore. I refused to look at the world through some sort of rose coloured glasses and pretend everything is perfect in our society. I am 20 years old only but I have already witnessed a fair share of the ugly side of humanity. Although going through all kinda traumatic experiences in my childhood while growing up, it doesn't make me resentful and hateful to others but instead, it made me much more grateful to the beautiful things in life.

I must admit, I have been in some dark places in my life and the depression and suicidal thoughts that came with it didn't help either. The thoughts of life are not worth living always lingered in the back of my mind and feeling not having the strength to not surviving has been every day for me.

From a young age, I did everything I was "supposed" and yet I still feel more empty as days went by. My goal since I was in primary school is to get into a good university and I thought it will be my cure. Was I wrong... I am now enrolled in a what considered to be an elite university (equivalent to ivy leagues in the states) but I am not feeling any relief from my own mental prison. For the last two years, I indulged myself my drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and the depression that came along with my recent back injury (degenerative disc of the lumbar spine)made me feel more worthless than ever. Although, I am healed and pain-free but once you had an injury you are never the same. The thoughts of me living a miserable life as apparently it will only get worse as I age prevent me from having any dreams and hope.

I am beyond grateful for this community as it eases the feeling of alone and I wish the best for everyone here. For those who climbed out the abyss of life, I admired your courage and determination as I am still trapped. I can see the light ahead though and I am sure I will be fine. Please share your stories on how you managed to stay on the right track on a daily basis to live a meaningful and productive life so others like me can benefit from it. Thanks for the long read my MGTOW brothers.