It took some time to find the words to explain the phenomena I see in alot of the current relationships that young folk are having where I work. Many young men perplexed and hurt when a woman who was so assuredly in love with them, the next day in bed with their "best friend" and all the broken pieces left for the rest of us to clean up.

In short, it looks as though women deal with intimacy as if it were un-backed currency, where the men put intimacy forward as if it were a legally binding contract. It is the disconnect of these values between the sexes that cause the confusion and hence much angry turmoil in the young men who feel betrayed.

I could spend pages of text expounding on theory and minute details of how I believe this all works out in the full spectrum of our inter sexual relationships, but I think it is best to just put forth what I think the false and real values essentially boil down to.

Women mistake the value of sex to men. They can't comprehend our sex drives and will easily mistake sexual persual, especially that by a high value individual as a sign that he has invested. That his sex came from a place of true desire instead of that desire being the natural byproduct of a sexual encounter. They will feel betrayed when they see he has invested nothing.

Men mistake the value of intimacy to women. They can't comprehend that a woman can be completely intimate and in total devotion in one minute and texting another man she truly desires on the other side of his bed the next. This intimacy is especially that which extends to non sexual interactions. A woman can lovingly make you a meal, cuddle on the couch with you, and enjoy a movie, then leave the house and get railed out in a parking garage by the man she truly desires. Men can't comprehend womens psychology and mistake her intimacy as investment. That her intimacy came from a place of real desire. They will feel betrayed when they see she has invested nothing.

It would be best for women to understand that when a man is completely intimate with her he is signaling that he has invested himself toward their relationship. That by opening up to her he is not revealing weakness, but putting trust in her being just as invested.

It would be best for men to understand that women only love men who they respect and admire and that the very moment you stop being the invincible archetype she desires, you can be left in an instant.

I wouldn't go as far as to say your intimacy should be stunted in order to maintain the image of a quintessentially desirable man, but understand women reel at the smell of weakness as if their lives still depended on it. I hope this helps clear up any confusion that any angry young men have so that they can get back to caring about what's important to them and not waste another minute on a dead relationship.