25 year marriage down the shitter because she became an emotionally and physically abusive alcoholic mother to my teens.

I had to protect them now and their financial futures so I filled for divorce hoping she would get help (yeah...the blue pill) and we could go back to what we had.

She got worse, drove drunk with my son numerous times, and even lied and had an order of protection against me (kids testified against her and it was thrown out...but I was still homeless for 2 months!). 1.5 years of continuances so the lawyers and judge could pad their incomes. Between the two of us, we spent $60K just in legal costs. EVEN though I told her we could share a lawyer and he/she could enter agreements for both of us. Daughter now 19 and emancipated and son is 17 and lives with me. Yeah...as a dad I fought for and got legal custody as that's what my son wanted. Good outcome was him and I are really tight now and he's seen firsthand the lie...or at very least the RISK of marriage.

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So what did I learn?

  1. Fight to be your kids legal guardian regardless of cost...you truly become an empowered father when you lead the house free of a woman and do the shopping, cooking, cleaning AND have the kids help on those thing so they too learn how to go their own way. My kids respect and love me more now than ever before after what I went through for them.
  2. ANY money you get in inheritance, NEVER put it in ANY type of account unless it is ONLY in your name. Thankfully as my parents passed away during this nearly two year ordeal, I kept the money separate. She and her filthy greedy attorneys thought they had a shot at it but nope...it was all documented by bank records. On that note, THINK like an attorney and keep such detailed records with a REAL PAPER TRAIL as that's what courts consider as evidence.
  3. Related to above, while non marital assets cannot be touched by the bitch and the legal system raiders, they WILL be looked at in deciding "equitable" distribution of marital assets. On the day of the divorce I was joint owner of $200K in retirement funds. At end of day I was left with $60K in retirement asset and I'm fully responsible for the cost of college education for my daughter. My son's education cost division is to be decided.
  4. State laws come into play on how things are decided. In the great corrupt state of Illinois, if divorced after 20 years, the spouse gets LIFETIME maintenance! And as of Jan 1, 2019, the bitches do not have to declare it as income and the man just pays out his life blood without a tax benefit. LUCKILY I knew about this and started threatening my attorney to get my case resolved before then. So, I have to pay $1065.75 a month while working a marketing day job and coaching a swim team at night. She gets to continue to work part time, be an alcoholic, and because of my assets, contribute NOTHING in child support for me for the full time care of our son....real fair huh? I could have fought that but to go to trial would have been another $20K...so my attorney said this was as good as it was going to get and no guarantee in trial anything would be better.
  5. Related to above, any divorce agreement MUST have a retirement clause related to maintenance OR you run the risk of really having to pay lifetime maintenance. My attorney fucked up on this but says I can still retire at 62. I'm not so sure.
  6. Another reminder about documenting things...if you are starting the process of a divorce...start documenting things and photocopying anything related to possession. DON'T put boats, cars, etc, in both names on titles. Start a separate bank account with a brother or friend you trust with your life on the title and start making small cash withdrawals (you gamble now because of the depression from her) and have lost a lot. Put that cash in that account and that's just less for the undeserving bitch. Unfortunately I did this with an account in my own name with my payroll deposits and I had to split that in the settlement.
  7. If you do have inheritance money, do NOT pay off the house mortgage. You basically just gave her half of that monetary amount. Let the fucking mortgage remain and it remains half her financial responsibility. I unfortunately did this a year before she went nuts and wouldn't seek help with her disease.

So...what do I need to learn? My income is somewhat capped at $70K between my two jobs and savings/investment earnings. It makes me sick to think I have to pay her $12K a year for her to work P/T when between my two jobs, most weekdays I'm away from home 6:30am-9:30pm and many weekends both days at swim meets from 7a-6p. If I make more than that, I have to give her 14% of that additional amount! SO...how do I make my money work for me without it being taxable? We have to share our tax returns per court order annually so there's no way to hide investment growth or job income growth. One idea is to buy a rental property and get rent in cash. What other moves can you recommend now that I'm fully red-pilled? I've got CD's and mutual funds and some retirement funds...but if I have too much income in future from investments, that likely will make a judge say maintenance is to remain in full effect.

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Other thought...what If I start "hiding" my money again under premise of gambling losses? Do this so I don't have all the "assets" her attorney's can refer to and then I look less self sufficient to the judge when I partially or full time retire (in a few years at earliest)? Hard to do this though as then the money isn't working for me and earning interest that defrays the maintenance cost. It's like a damn hamster wheel...I just keep going in circles with no clear plan on what's the best move for me.

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Glad I found this community...never heard of it but now don't feel so alone and feel hopeful more men out there aren't going to take the feminist agenda, the #metoo bullshit, and other forms of men bashing anymore. I've been saying for years we have to band together or be bulldozed over...now this has to be made into a well known national movement.