This all happened over the weekend. (Fri-Sunday) Quick background info. I have this friend. Call her Steph. Steph and I have been friends for about 6 years. During those 6 years, we have never hooked up, but I’ve either hooked up with, fucked, or did something sexual with almost all her friends. (Never said I lost ALL my game. Did I? ;} ) Not too long ago, she invited me to meet up with her and some of her colleagues. I said fuck it why not. Girls will be there. I went out to meet up, but by the time I got there, she had left. Bitch. Still had a great time with other friends who happened to be there. So I ceased communication with her until the Super Bowl, because nobody wastes my time like that without reprisal.

So, Steph texted me on Friday inviting me to her super bowl party. I immediately wrote it off and found different plans. I never answered. Saturdays evening rolls around and she texts again to ask if I’m coming. I still don’t answer. Sunday rolls around and I thought, “Fuck it. I know for a fact she’s gonna have lots of female friends over. I’m definitely going. I could use a good vagina to pump.” So I went. Didn’t text, didn’t let her know I was coming, just went. Cuz fuck it. I don’t need to let her know I’m coming. I’m just going to fuck her friends. I get there and her whole family is there along with her co-workers, her BF Lance (cuz he looks like a gayer, younger Lance Bass) and another friends of hers who I’m cool with. Play it cool, keeping my own interests at the forefront of my experience. Her BF being the insecure little princess he is tries to shit test me in front of everyone and I retort with some witty comeback and everyone laughs. I am king. Fast forward 2 hours and some more people show up and more of her family leaves.

In walks this kid I’ve known for about 7 years but haven’t seen for a bit. His name is Beta Bob. We chat and then I talk to his GF. Find out 2 of the kids running around are hers. I suddenly realize Bob is CUCKED hard as FUCK. Talking about how he’s the provider now, as if it’s a good thing. “I’m the provider now.” (Wink). I laughed inside. His gf is 29 and has hit the wall HARD. She’s not fat, but she has 2 kids, so she has that baby belly that she didn’t bother getting rid of through hard work and got worse cuz she drinks every night. Her face is still very cute. But she looks tired, if you know what I mean. In walk 2 more girls, Thing 1 and Thing 2. I introduce myself and go back to amusing myself in good conversation and catching up with my now cucked friend. (that was disappointing). Later on after getting hit on by a few of her female family members, the game is over and it’s really close family watching some after football tv shows laughing and drinking, and all of us hanging out and bullshitting. Her BF starts shit testing me again like a little bitch. I shut him down again and Thing 2 told him he looked like he belonged in a boy band video. Everyone laughed and his GF told him to make her a drink while she went and did something. Made me laugh cuz I realize he’s whipped too. Lel.

As convo progresses, I see Bobs GF eye fucking me. I know she’s into me, as she even started taking my side in debates and conversations against Bob and Lance. She knows shes hit the wall, found her Bob, who’s more than happy to be cucked and provide for her, and now is looking for that 5 star Chad side course, A La Me. I realized at one point I was doing kino on her, and cuz that shit out cuz I still like Bob as a person and I don’t want any part of that baby momma drama. But Thing 1 and Thing 2 were still around so I focused on them.

Thing 1 was a fatty with caked on makeup to hide the fact she’s a 4 and was eye fucking all night as well. Thing 2 (I actually forgot her real name until writing this article jogged my memory) was about a 6, maybe a 7 with the makeup. Thing 2 acted disinterested in me all night. I didn’t mind. I knew I was gonna at least get a K-close. And even if I didn’t I knew I was still gonna be fine. Suddenly I remember some of my PUA learnings and remember that fat bitches always have hot friends (cuz the hot friends use them to make them feel better about themselves), and that the best way to have the HBs find you more attractive is to have the fatties say good things about you. So I make friends with Thing 1 and flirted a bit. It was ridiculous how low her SMV was and how easy it was. Any half-brained 5’2 Brony with acne could have fucked this bitch. I teased every single person there, but mostly ignored and DQ’d Thing 2 to get her more interested.

Eventually, Bob, his GF, and Thing 1 left, leaving me, Thing 2, Steph and Lance. Golden. I knew I had it down at that point. They had all been talking up their drinking game all night so I told them all I was disappointed in how much they drank and everyone took shots with me. Steph and Lance went to bed. So I feigned disinterest in Thing 2 and settled in on the couch and put on some movie. Thing 2 obviously interested, came and sat down as well. This bitch started talking about her daddy issues, etc. Still keeping my own interests at heart, I looked her dead in the eyes and told her “not that your issues aren’t important to you, but I really don’t couldn’t give a shit less about your father issues.” She feigned some indignation at my being upfront and honesty but I knew she loved it. Eventually I told her to just shut up and I started kissing her. She had some resistance but nothing bad. I told her right away “I’m not fucking you”. I wanted to but didn’t have a condom so I wouldn’t anyway. Eventually I tried to go further but she had some serious LMR. “I won’t do anything more at Stephs house, shes my coworker, blah blah blah.” I said ok whatever.

For the first time in my life I can honestly say I didn’t really care. It was a beautiful feeling. Normally I’d just go home and be upset, sulk in my BP feelings and constantly replay the whole thing for the next week. But I stayed because 1.) I didn’t care 2.) I was enjoying the movie. After her silly little LMR, she went to the bathroom, made herself a drink and came back. Lol. This time I told her to stop being a child and sit her ass on my lap. She did, and we started again and I pulled back to throw her off because it was funny. She was so taken aback she ended up leaning in and continuing. Cool. At one point she started saying shit like “I bet you say this all the girls.” Or” I thought you were interested in my friend.” My response to all these shit tests were along the lines of “Why do you care?” or “who gives a shit”. While my answers might not have been the best, the WAY I said them is what really mattered. Plus, I really didn’t care what she thought about what I say to other bitches. I would be just fine if she didn’t wanna keep going. Pumped and dumped that bitch and went home at 5 am. Thanks for reading. Thanks again to u/stonepimpletilists for the awesome blog posts. /end

Again, let me know how I can improve on future posts.