It's a shame that this is now reality for men

There was a detective on the other line saying that a report had been filed by a girl I met while on vacation. The detective immediately started asking questions. I was so shocked by it all that I told him he would have to call back a different day when I wasn't working. Never in my life had I been so full of fear, anger, and confusion. I left work early that day, unable to think about anything else. Almost as if it were a simple question, I took to Google to figure out what my next step should be.

The hardest decision was whether or not to hire a lawyer. EVERY advice you read will tell you to hire a lawyer, but your gut is screaming at you that you have nothing to hide because you know you are innocent. In hindsight, I am very glad I hired a lawyer. From speaking with the lawyer and my father who was an officer for 30+ years, there is almost nothing that will help you from speaking to the police.

After hiring a lawyer, I began the worst part of this experience. The waiting. When you think about something for so long, and have no control over it, your mind becomes irrational. I feared family and friends would somehow learn of my situation and ostracize me. I feared that an officer would walk into my place of employment and take me away in front of my coworkers. I remember one day a black Chevy Suburban with tinted windows was parked near my house. A few days later, I noticed a black Chevy Suburban following me in traffic. I memorized the plate and when I got home compared it to the one parked nearby. Of course, it was totally different, but when someone falsely accuses you, you start to believe that every other worst possible thing will happen to you no matter how improbable.

I was one of the lucky ones. I didn't live in a small town where rumors spread, or where my social media was called out. I had no connection to this girl apart from meeting her on vacation. However, I am still greatly changed by this event. I am less trusting toward people, especially women around my age. I took a personality type test for a new job I started after recently and the first word to describe me was skeptical. Throughout my entire life, I have always volunteered to tutor children, but now I get extreme anxiety when left in a room alone with them. I could think of a dozen situations in the past four months similar to this.

Fast forward to two weeks ago from today, and I received the best phone call of my life. It was my lawyer saying he spoke to the detective, and the "case" has been closed. He will not pass it along to the prosecutor. Although, it is amazing news, I don't feel amazing yet. I'm hoping to get there soon, but I'd be lying if I said this experience didn't change me permanently.

This subreddit has been a great help to me these past months, and I just wanted to say thank you and share my story. I wanted to end with some coping advice I found helpful for others who are constantly reminded of what they experienced when they don't want to be. It's called the container method. "To utilize this exercise, imagine a container of some type: a box, safe, vault, trunk, etc. Whatever the container is, it should have a door or lid that you can open and close as you please. The container needs to be big enough and strong enough to hold anything that is causing distress. When something distressing comes up and it is not possible or optimal to address whatever is coming up in that moment, imagine letting the traumatic material go into the container temporarily, until it can be addressed at a later time. "