Good day,

Long time lurker here. Long story short just like a lot of you it took several gigantic screw ups to finally convince me that there might be something going on that I wasn't quite aware of. Explicitly this was that, I (unlike I had told myself) did not understand women, nor more importantly my place in this world as a man.

You see, at the age of seventeen I find myself in Connecticut, fresh out of a remote island existence (where I was born). Where I meet a girl I will spend eight years of my life with. A lot of it was good, some of it was hell. Somehow I manage to keep it together for almost a decade and bring her back to my island home - where it then breaks.

Truthfully, it was I that broke. I gave to much up, the masks I'd wear would lead to drinking and smoking; horrible habits I attribute to no one other then myself but all of which I picked up in the aim of coping with the duress I was under.

These things should have been red flags. When five years into the relationship she cheats on me and tries to disappear on me I should have proceeded to hard NEXT her. Instead I played game after game until I was drinking beers in the morning to simply have breakfast with her. No woman was worth that much misery.

In the end I let her crush me. Honestly I was expecting it sooner rather then later and it indeed ended in a fire of belligerence. Demonstrated by her through a severe bought of mental illness (she allowed her mother to control her) and by me making threats (I'll leave first!) and me finally going on one gigantic binge. It was a mess.

It has now been three months since she left without saying goodbye and in that duration I put up with even more confusion on the phone in my pursuit of understanding. I wanted closure you see but what startled me was that this girl didn't even have the words to rationalize her actions. It doesn't matter though. It's now time for the hard NEXT, but part of me wants to get back at her somehow for the many years I've wasted on a fruitless endeavor. Indeed instead of closure I've gained a worsening perspective of who this woman is rather then what I wanted her to be. AWALT?

Either way. The past is the past, but I have a few questions I now struggle with. First: I'm now back home; we have a population of 60,000 people at most and it's the second most remote place in the world. It's also the most expensive place in the world but the opportunities to make money here are infinite. How does now apply what he knows if his past experience is that of New York City? How does one make multiple approaches a day in a community like this? Am I making excuses?

Second: how much time have a really wasted? If you've read this far you can probably infer a bit about who I am. I am well read, consider myself to be well spoken and I am no introvert. I like the company of others and virtually nothing scares me besides the prospect of being alone. Unfortunately once again, I'm used to either being back in college or in New York City; not living the existence of an adult male an a community of mostly professionals.

Third: Looks and when to date. I am no chad but I'm certainly not three hundred pounds either. I'm a martial artist (Nimpo Ninjitsu) and have dedicated a good ten years to the sport. Unfortunately I've also dedicated my lower right leg when I tried to throw a man who was 3 times my size. Not smart - I broke it in three places and have only been able to just now resume normal activity. I was 180 at the time and now I'm about 150 weight wise and 6 inches 3 in height. That with the drinking and smoking has led to me essentially having to start again. I've lost all my progress. This my question here is I see a lot about people being obese but what about being underweight?

Fourth: Where to employ game. Again I'm used to the city but part of the problem with being with someone for over a decade is I never went out to bars. I had a ton of friends (not to many here unfortunately) and did a lot but never chased tail. How much of a disadvantage will this be? Will this further compound itself if I dislike night venues and opt for day game?

Fifth: Finally, this is my first post. I've read a lot and will continue to. The 48 laws of power is currently where I'm attempting to get a leg up so to speak, but if you've made it this far you might have something now to say. Where should my head be at? The entire focus of this subreddit seems to be a total betterment of yourself and that seems to make a lot of sense and while I'd normally question the legitimacy of any theory of thought I honestly can't identify any faults. My life has taught me this the hard way. My head instead wants to naturally be on tail however. I really want to slaying girls again.

Oh and finally as a side note, I'm currently employed on contract where I work on microcircuitry. My background is that of IT consulting and implementation and I have a B.A. In economics.

Give me hell Reddit.