[UPDATE] I (29M) showed up to my gf’s (25F) house and found her hanging out with a guy from class at 2am.

Update to original post here.

This all happening a couple days before what would have been our anniversary. I obviously should have seen the signs from the first post but the first part of this update is letting you guys know that I initially did not end the relationship. (What a regret).

How I handled it was we met the next morning to talk and I let her explain her side of things. She explained that other people were at the house that night earlier and she was going to be hanging around with kids from class sometimes now that school has started. Keep in mind, she is 25 and going back to school now, and most these kids are around 19-22. Nothing super serious as far as class load is concerned, she is studying theater at a community college. I explain to her why all signs point to that being a major red flag, she somewhat hears me out and apologizes for not better communicating her plans that night, but defends herself that hanging out with friends from class is not wrong. So in the future she would be communicate better about her plans and do a better job not making me feel concerned.

I was obviously angry and upset about the previous situation but I did truly love this girl and was willing to give things a chance to progress forward and her show me the positives changes.

We had continued our relationship and everything was going good for the most part. Then recently communication did not seem to be going the best and there were some signs that she wasn't giving as much effort into the things we spoke about before as she had promised to do. There were signs of her actively trying to pick fights, and perpetuating them longer than needed even when i had made attempts to reconcile and move forward from any arguments. I did feel heavily at this time that she was not respecting me in these conversations, and any attempts I made to lovingly let her know this...met with hostility. Which she then would attempt to turn right back on me, like it was my fault the fight even happened. This was getting old but I was still making every effort to bring us back to a good space on a more every day basis because i was wildly in love with this girl and the connection i thought we shared. The deceiving thing as well is that she was also very good at making me feel at other times she felt the same way about me, 'You're the love of my life, I Love you more than anything, Future plans together, talking about how lucky she was to be with me' etc. These were all exploited to be absolute lies.

Fast forward to a few nights ago. We had plans to hang out that night and when i asked her earlier in the day what she wanted to do, she told me she had actually agreed to go get sushi with a friend she hadn't seen in awhile. I let her know this upset me since she was bailing on our plans, but in attempts to be understanding I then suggested we just meet up after instead and go out that night to do something fun. She did not give me a definite answer but kept bouncing around the subject saying she would keep me updated on when she was finished. I let her know, 'Hey you don't cancel plans with your bf, then when hes cool about it and tries to suggest something else... leave him up in the air saying maybe we can hang' It makes me feel like not a priority and isn't how you treat someone you love. She ends up going off on me again and we leave on the terms of Ok we will just talk later. I call later and let her know that after dinner it would mean a lot if we could spend some quality time together, I had been wanting that since all the time we were hanging out was during the day with other stuff going on sometimes.

She calls me after dinner around 930pm and lets me know she is home. I ask her to comer hang out so we can figure out what to do, and she deflects with "Oh my other friend (girl who i know) wanted to go to a midnight showing of a movie tonight and i haven't seen her in so long".... I know i may seem completely stupid to you guys at this point but i assure you I was already seeing through her bullshit and knew something wasn't right. I keep calm and just let her know i think that was messed up, bums me out, and that i wish she would at least try to include me with her friends when doing stuff like that. She then takes to the level of trying to make me feel bad that I cant just be understanding she maybe wants to hang out with her friends without me sometimes. She tells me she will call me after the movie and asks if she can come over and spend the night with me after its finished...

Meanwhile, I knew I had friends going out that night as well and I could go grab some drinks with them, finish up around same time and then meet back at my house to spend the night together. I did not tell her I was going out because it did not seem relevant at the time, and i had some weird suspicions that something else was going on.

1:45 AM rolls around and Im leaving the bar with some friends to grab a burrito before heading home. I walk down the street and LO AND BEHOLD there she is on the corner of the street standing with a guy. One of the same guys from that night at the house in my original post. Shocker, I know. I confront her and ask her whats going on, she attempts to even further lie, explain how her gf was suppose to come to (like that makes it any better lol) it isnt what it looks like, blah blah blah same old bullshit lies and NO accountability even when caught in a dead lie on a date with another guy. I turn to the guy and ask him whats going on, he explains he invited to the movies, not much else, looks kind of scared because I'm sure i was irate. I have no problem with him at all because its 100% my then gf's fault. I walk to the side with her and ask her to just be real with me for once, tell me whats going, and come to terms with who she is and what shes done here. She shuts down when she realizes she cant talk her way out of things, and tries to ask if we can talk tomorrow and not make a scene here. I tell her if you want to explain yourself then you can leave right now and i will at least hear you out. She says no im not leaving my friend here alone you are overreacting and its not as bad as it looks. Even though i'm pretty hurt at this point I cant help but to bust out in laughter at the disbelief of the whole thing now. I tell her this is it and this relationship is fully done now then. Should have been done awhile ago, but that seals the deal and I truly see you for who you are now, a lying manipulative actual sociopath. I left with my friends, blocked her on everything and am now moving forward for good.

I do want to say though, I made a huge mistake in this whole scenario by not leaving when my gut told me to. So many signs pointed to her being so fake, such a liar, and not trust worthy at all... but i let the good times and her manipulative words keep me around thinking that i Just needed to make more effort myself to make things work. And it wasn't until i had fully given all of myself into trying, that i was hit with the most disrespectful thing I have ever had done to me. Listen to your gut people, and follow you intuition. If you are making clear efforts in a relationship with someone and they are giving you nothing back, creating friction, and show no remorse in any of their mistakes... run for the hills.

Even though i was very hurt by the deceit and catching someone cheat on me, I ultimately know this is 100% for the best and a huge blessing in disguise because this person never truly loved me the way I cared for them. Who knows how much longer I would have stuck around and let myself be treated like this, but I am grateful it happened now and there is no chance in hell i would ever give her a second of my time again. Sorry for the novel, it feels good to vent. Much Love.

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TLDR; Attempted to work on things with my gf, gave serious effort and understanding to her. Felt I was being treated very poorly in regards to that and got suspicious of her actions. Caught her on a date with another guy. Broke up with her on the spot, blocked her on everything, moving on.

Edit: I really appreciate all the positive response and feedback I’ve gotten here. As well as all the insightful messages I’ve received. I am doing my best to respond to everyone who has taken the time to give me their input, positive or negative. Thank you

Edit 2: For the people responding thinking I was making assumptions about the situation i walked up on that night, and defending that it could have been just a friend. Let me explain that there was no way it was not what it looked like. I did not include the whole dialogue exchange between us, but the guy did make it clear he was under the impression they were on a date. Which is when i walked away because it definitely contradicted her whole made up story.