Finding Sex

lilticus- · 2019-01-12T11:02:11+00:00

Just pay for sex with a professional , it’s cheaper and better

eduardkoopman · 2019-01-12T12:51:16+00:00

comming from a guy in his mid 30's. Whom has been in his lifetime for periods: incel, casual dater/hookups, in a long term relationship (4 years), and now since 3 years chosen to be mgtow monk-mode. So basically, I have had a pretty wide range of experiences in this regard.

My 2 cents.

stories from the Bible. We had our notebooks and homework. We also had a course titled "Marriage without regrets" where we were taught about man and woman, the sacrilege of virginity and how sex before marriage is not allowed and the likes. At that point it made perfect sense to me, I actually wanted to marry a girl who would be my first and me hers. I didn't have a desire to chase girls and sleep with them, I just wanted to find that one girl who I could imagine myself close to and able to build a family with. Yeah that innocent, romantic fairy-tale..I know

Maybe it would be good for you to read about the histroy of mating in humans. And how the life-long monogamous relationship concept, is a pretty recent concept (especialy if you also take into account, that average age of death of humans since before 1900's was like 35 - 40 years old).

Our biological nature is 2-fold, and we have internal competition between these 2.
1. we like to spread our seed as much as possible, to have a better chance of creating offspring;

we are programmed as a pair bounding species (not necesairely life long at all, but more like 4 years long pair bonding).

The church glorifies the 2nd part of our biological nature, and disdains the 1st part. And it looks like, so have you. And maybe you're also inclined more towards that 2nd biological prgramm by your genetic default.

The problem in todays western society.

A guy going pair-bonding. Takes a hugh risk. And will most likely be hurt alot. Hurt financialy by divorce court, and his children taken away by family court. When the woman decides to seperate/move on/etc.. So pair-bonding with a woman is a high risk, in this dy and age for a a man. And if you're a type of man that is mainly programmed for pair-bonding (I know I am one as well), there is a problem. Options then are: chosen celibacy; trying to pair bond with as much precautions as possible (red-pill idea); or moving abroad where pair bonding with a woman isn't punished if things end.

It felt wrong for me to lose my virginity that way with a girl I barely knew. So I dropped it at that.

Maybe it's your upbringing, or your inate bilogical programming. That makes that you're not build (tm) to be a fuckboy/player/pump-dumper. Which is totally fine, normal; most if not plenty men aren't build for that type of relationships anyways. They are more build for relationships with more pair-bonding aspects (the one with 0 pair bonding). I know I'm one who also has a hard time, to just fuck women (pump-dump); because my pair bonding programm usually kicks in when I sex with a woman. Which makes it difficult for me, and doesn't feel nice for me; to be a fuckboy.

. I just didn't see any point in living the way I have been. Alone, no close relationships, working just to live another month. There was no point,

. I didn't know those girls, I couldn't make myself see sex just as a mere transaction, an exchange.

Naturally, starting family, pair bonding, raising children. is what creates a flase sense of purpose for people.

If you don't do thta, like me also. I notice, i have to create my own false senses of pruposes. Otherwise existential depression is a risk. So to cope with that.
I did the following. So to have more relationships, belonging and false sense of purpose:
- joined buddhist religious group (belonging, and relationships creation)
- joining martial arts group (belonging, and relationships creation)
- volunteer work at buddhist centre and supporting (feeding, etc) the monks (purpose creation, needed to support the group and help the monks)
- help my brother with raising my nephew (purpose creations)
- taking an otherwise hoemless young man in my house, to get his life started and on track ((purpose creation).
- self improvement ideas and paths (purpose creation, a goal to aim for for my own wellbeing and benifit)
These above examples helps me with: false sense of purpose, making up a fake sense of meaning, and not getting depressed

So after that I went to visit my best friend since high school in Germany. We'd hang out with his friends and smoke weed and travel to Berlin, eat out and drink a lot. It was one of the best parts about that trip, having someone close to you, a guy friend you trust and whose company you enjoy. Needless to say I haven't made any male friends since I graduated high school. After a long time it was nice to have that even if for a few brief days

Even though you may be more introverted by nature.
It is for many people important to have a feeling of belonging and/or relationship. Otherwise one will feel bad, purposeless or lonely; maybe (depending on your personality).
Since it seems you need that. I think it might be wise; to start looking around of there are groups that you can join or try out; so to have a feeling of belonging. And possibly there may also start personal friendships. I liked that route for myself; because with groups there is a bigger chance of meeting some people that fit, like, and have potential to become firends. As well as that it's less forced, as when you look for 1 / a friend.

I just can't get myself to become vulnerable and share that side of myself to another person. It's like I don't want to open myself, I don't think I deserve that type of care and love in my life for I am not sure I can provide that to someone else. And I don't think I am wrong about that.

I don't see a problem with that you're not willing to become vulnerable and open yourself up alot to a woman. At least (looking back), that would take me then also months and getting to know that girl alot better before I was able to do that. That concept of walking around being vulnerable and open as a aman; is just feminist/female qualities propagande from the gynocentic society. Self protection, is more important. Opening up, is goo to reserve that only for proven trustworthy-ish peple.

I also fear of losing this independence I have at this time, no mind games, no cares.

Looking back. I can say. that when forming a pair bond, relationship with a woman. One will lose some independance, even/also as a red-pilled dude. It's nevidable, because for a relationship to occure there will be things you provide to her that you wouldn't do by yourself. And vise versa.
There is also more stress, cares and some negotiating struggles/fights/conflicts. That is inaffedable.
That said, I also do remember. That the first 2 years orso of being in a relationship with a woman that was a good match (and I liked alot and I found attractive); was absolutly a period with the highest highs of feeling good/nice/"happy". Because I got pumped up with alot of hormones. Lust hormons, dopamine, serotonine, satisfaction, pair bonding tupe of hormones. A whole melting pot of hormones that is abit like a drugs high probably. But most (if not all) of them will go away over time. And things are back to normal (hormonally speaking).
The sad part is, that doing the above in this day and age come with many (big) risks for a man; because of the interference of the state, government and society.

Title	Finding Sex
Author	vey7
Upvotes	1
Comments	3
Date	January 12, 2019 10:41 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/af6aqt/finding_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/finding-sex.425759 https://theredarchive.com/post/425759

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