You're probably doing something right, but you're also doing a lot that is wrong.

Coming into this sub from elsewhere can be a bit startling. There's a lot to unpack and most of it isn't very reassuring.

A lot of posts are dripping with anger and distrust towards women and other people in general that seem to stem from either ignorance, or misconception or a genuine failure to emote with and understand other peoples' motivations.

The most simple analogy for this sub that I can think of is someone wandering around in the dark with no idea about what is happening around them inventing a set of rules to exist by which are derived from an incomplete, but nevertheless empirical approach - in this case to realising their sexual wants.

I think the biggest problem is, well, some of the advice you guys hand out is pretty damn positive - be proud of who you are, be healthy, don't back down easily, seek to improve yourself. This is a problem because you're sprinkling sugar on bullshit. There is so much toxic and downright vindictive thinking that goes on in and among the posts that trend here, that it becomes increasingly worrying to think that this approach to adult human interactions can actually be more common than I originally believed. But applying some of the ideas mentioned can and does have a positive effect on your relationships, unfortunately it comes lumped in with everything else. Between a creepy, passive aggressive asshole and a confident, outgoing asshole the latter will initially appear much more appealing.

But then applying such a mentality to your social interactions limits the number of people who will respond positively and therefore reinforces your negative view of them. In other words, things you do to other people because you believe the odds are stacked against you cause the odds to be stacked against you even more. Your negative behaviour is met with negative response and this leads your to falsely deduce that what you originally believed was true.

You attract someone but you fail to engage with them on a deeper level because you are following a set of broken rules . You are met with a lack of the emotions you are trying to foster and this causes you to decide - yes, women are indeed the selfish cunts you thought they are. Not realising, of course, that being in a mentality that lets you comfortably make that kind of generalisation is one of the reasons why so few people respond positively to your presence and personality.

Then there's the self-indulgent idea that you are somehow in on a secret. That you are privy to truths that others are simply too blind, or too weak to understand. You refer to people as betas or alphas, you place labels on behavioural patterns, pigeonholing and overlooking so much complexity and diversity. You create stawmen for your false arguments to defeat. You don't realise, of course, that this school of thought is a major component in most organised religions, cults, conspiracy theories, and many other kind of false communal beliefs which propagate simply because they make the person believing them feel good about themselves.

It would be a lot wiser, and generally more healthy to assume that you know fuck all. That people aren't infinitely complex, but that they also can't be described as a series of attributes short enough that they can be completely predictable, or manipulated with any real accuracy. Accepting that you don't hold some secret key, but rather you have to listen, watch, interact, interrogate, understand and respond to the best of your ability is not only more positive for you, but also for other people. If you think that it is difficult for you to exist in a world where the opposite sex is somehow trying to constantly cheat you and deceive you, imagine how much harder you are making it by basically trying to catch them in the act. Taking many actions in an attempted relationship not because you want to interact with and enjoy the other person's company, but because you are waiting for them to do something bad to you. That kind of pressure is toxic to any relationship. You're surrounding yourself with an emotional minefield and then blaming people for not getting through.

I don't want to insult you very much more, but I feel that a few harsh truths are necessary. Not only are you making things harder for yourself, but you're also making it harder for other people. Because just as you are susceptible to false beliefs and incomplete theories about the opposite sex - so are they. They have equally had a long line of gurus coming at them from all over the place telling them how to best deal with men. As if you, a person resulting from a complex and dynamic environment, can be described by a journalistic sound bite - some 400 words in a column, or some romanticised notion designed to make the person believing the thing feel they are better than you.

Treat each other like fucking humans. If subscribing to the drivel on this sub is getting you anywhere, it is also setting you back. The parts that work are blinding you from the parts that just downright poison your chances. And they reduce the scope of the people you attract, and ruin the quality of the relationship you can have. By all means, better yourself, feel more confident but not that everyone around you loves the way you look and act but that even if they don't - that's fine. Accept that by having standards in other people, you also have to have high standards in yourself. If you don't want to be reduced to a pile of muscle and a bank account with a dick hanging out, don't reduce the opposite sex to tits, and a bunch of bangable holes with some traffic cones around for you to navigate.

Leave this sub. Talk to people not like the enemy, or competition, but as people who you genuinely wish to be around and engage with. Imagine how you want the other person to feel towards you and think about what it would take for you to feel that way about someone. Accept that some things you want are unfair, or aren't the other person's responsibility. Don't expect other people to be the fix to your personal problems. Accept that some things are your fault, and others aren't. Stop this 'us vs. them' bullshit. It's all just 'us' you are exactly the same as everyone else - confused, emotional, needful of others and prone to mistakes.