The reason why my TRP journy was so fascinating for me was because I don't think I learned anything new. This is not to insult anyone here, as this forum has a wealth of information. Yet, every single evo-psych theory that was explained I already knew. I knew of pretty much every social psych and devo psych study that has been described here. I've also witnessed countless examples of hypergamy, shit testing, and general TRP theory throughout my entire life. For the last 15 years I have been dealing with ENORMOUS cognitive dissonance. I'm a very logical guy, I have a strong background in the courses mentioned, and I remember thinking about TRP truths when first learning about them. Yet despite this, my brain clinged to the anecodatal exceptions, the times I got laid with beta game, and the COUNTLESS conditioning from women I received my entire life. I used these inconsistent examples to reduce dissonance, and keep my ego in tact. The facts were just too distressing for me to hear, so my brain blocked out true comprehension of the facts. I noticed TRP theory being somewhat true as early as H/S; by uni after taking these courses, I developed more dissonance.

I used examples of how I got laid by being a nice guy, often more succesfully than other 'alpha males', and I used this to solidify my beleif; I didn't consider that I was better looking than 95+% of males at the time, had almost no body fat, over 210 lbs of all muscle, and trained MMA-- I assumed I got laid because I was a nice guy. I NEVER got women in my caliber (in my early 20's I was probably a 9/10, but was picking up 7-8's regularly, not 9/10's), because I simply wasn't confident enough. I routinely missed countless opportunities from women hitting on me because I didn't want to 'take advantage of them' when they were drinking (I used to be a bouncer, women threw themselves at me, and I didn't fuck a single one because I felt it was wrong if they had any alcohol in them).

I clung to the false beleif of the 'good girl', and beleived that "tehre had to be some exceptions". This was the crutch of my belief that was used soley to minimize dissonance, and allowed me to rationalize my nice guy behavior (sure, MOST women are total sluts, but a solid 30% of them are 'good girls', I just need to find them). So I used that strategy to try and find a nice long term mate. I had proved that I could get laid, despite having absolutely no game and relying entirely on looks. Thus, I focused my strategy on being the 'nice guy', and trying to find 'the good girl'.

In my mind 20's my strategy switched when I had about 6 plates, one of them, my current GF, stood out strongly. She wasn't as 'sexy' as some of the other women, and she was more of the 'girl next door' look. She came off as the very sweet and innocent girl, which changed a bit when I found out she was a bit of a nympho. This girl was head over heels, and provided the best relationship experience by far- blowjobs whenever she was on her period, daily sex when not, making dinner when i came home from work, wearing lingerie almost every day, and just being a fucking awesome person to be around. I had figured it out, I had found 'the good girl', and my theory was correct; or so I thought. Despite holding my frame for about a year (not intentionally, I was just afraid of LTR and tried to push her away), I eventually gave in, said the l word for the firs time, and the behaviors slowly changed. She went from the sweet innocent girl next door with the most giving and loving personality ever, to a massive cunt who picked a fight all the time, never had sex, and just became nasty in the relationship. I learned more and more evidence that my 'good girl' image was way off, and it was in fact just that- an image. I started to see how she cultivated that image for her own benefit, despite manifesting the same classic female shit behaviors. I started to see how the more I put into the relationship, the less I got out of it. I became miserable, lost motivation, and became a bit of a loser; this fascilatated the cycle. I started picking up less OT, less sports, no gym, stopped taking hair loss medication, stoppped hanging out with friends, and tried to spend more energy on the relationship. You see where this is going. I became so frustrated that my entire world view was proven wrong before my eyes.

I went from being this incredibly ambitious hard working, but still 'nice guy', to a total fucking wimp. Then I was reading some bullshit askreddit thread on what was the most toxic sub on reddit, and TRP came up. I looked through it expecting the worse, then read an article that directly tied evo psych to an anecdotal experience that was very similar to what I had seen, and I began reading on.

Since then, I have been storming through the literature while making signficaint life choices. I am my own project, and it's going to be fucking succesful as ever. Instead of focusing on the negatives, I'm reminding myself of the positives. I thought my looks were hopelessly fading, neglecting to consider I didn't do shit for my hair loss, I never work out, took less care of my appearance, etc. I've since realized that at 29 years old I have more money than anyone else I know, and could easily afford 10-15k for hair plugs if I really wanted them, which are very succesful and I'm a prime candidtate. I realize that I can go to the gym, and easily gain muscle still. I've noticed since improving my diet I immediately look better, although it's hard to describe. I realized that I actually have MORE options now than I did in my early 20's when I was a super jacked bouncer (I'm still very toned, just about 25 lbs less muscle) as money really isn't an option.

I've also realized that any fucking drop of energy I spend on a LTR is just going to make me more miserable, and is less time for me to spend on myself, and achieve my own goals. I've realized I am in control of my own destiny, and within a year from now I'll be in the top 1-2% for physique (maybe top 5-10% right now), have thicker hair, getting expensive teeth whitening done, and of course I'll have even more money by then (money makes money in the stock market!). My girlfriend will be that much more unnatractive, probably even more entitled, and will have even less to offer.

Using the stock market as an example, I'm Apple after their restructuring in the 90's: we have new management, we're very ambitious and innovative, and we're confident we'll take over the fucking world. She on the other hand is AOL after buying Time Warner, she's a declining asset, her management is shit, and it's just a matter of time before she goes bankrupt.

Long story short, I spent half my life being fucking angry and confused, with massive cognitive dissonance when it came to TRP. I took TRP a few weeks ago and it initially reignited anger I hadn't felt in years. This anger lasted about a week as I had such a strong framework of TRP already built within me, and I was able to easily extinguish the few anecdotal exceptions and examples of feminist conditioning. The only thing I'm a little bit angry about is not learning this sooner, but I can't change the past, so i'm focusing on what I can change. Thanks for your help everyone, I really appreciate it.