I hope this is the right sub for this...:

But anyway, wanted to vent. I had a one night stand earlier and trying to get to the bottom of what felt off about it.

She kept on yelling 'I love it when you take control of me', and saying how 'big and strong I was'. But I didn't feel empowered by any of that. Instead I felt like she was covertly demanding I dominate her with me 'big and strong' body, and that I'd comply because 'men should take control' (apart from when they shouldn't). It felt like code for, 'do this. to me. now. again.' That doesn't feel very dominating.

I felt quite powerless and trapped by that expectation. It was almost as though she was excusing herself from any dialogue. She assumed I wanted to take control of her, so she didn't bother to ask what I wanted.

What would domination even look like? I don't care. I don't particularly want to dominate anyone, in or out of the bedroom. Why would I? And even if I did, I don't feel like I'm even allowed to truly dominate in the bedroom. You're not giving me the time to negotiate what dominating means. And i'm not going to fuck you how i want, without your consent. The whole thing's about consent. Really fucking bad things would happen if i violated your consent. I don't know you well enough to have any idea about where the line is. Can i choke you? Who the fuck knows. Can i fuck you from behind? Some girls don't like that.

Obviously this was just a one night stand so it's not bound to be great, and some of those boundaries could have been negotiated a bit better. But I do resent the expectation that I should want to dominate the girls I sleep with, somehow, despite being told by women outside of the bedroom that men should be less dominating. And i feel like I'm not allowed to negotiate that expectation.

I felt like she had more space. She was Asian, and I wouldn't feel comfortable assuming she was submissive. She wouldn't feel comfortable. The badass Asian women I've met wouldn't feel comfortable. That's an ugly stereotype. So why was she -- and why are so many others -- so comfortable demanding I meet the stereotype that men are dominating in the bedroom?