I grew up a sensitive naive nerd with dreams of love trumping lots of sex with hot girls. Having someone love you for you, having someone you can tell anyone to with absolute trust, and building a life together is one of the most beautiful concepts. My first girlfriend in high school said she loved me and brought up marriage in the future (even then I was a little wtf but flattered) and dumped me after a couple months. This switch from feeling totally love and adored to just flat dumped for no apparent reason other than “things moving too fast” devastated me. I took it super personally and saw it as a reflection of me rather than the fleeting feelings of an emotionally unstable adolescent teen. Soon she started dating another guy and I had to watch them date in my small high school and know they were banging while all I got was making out. They are married with kids now. That’s fine, I was a little bitch then and she’s allowed to do what she wants and didn’t do anything wrong and is a nice person, but we’ll come back to her later. For now, all I had learned was the pain of losing love and someone else fucking her however they want while I got jack shit.

While wary of love and girls, I was still blue pilled to oblivion. Eventually, I get over her in college. Fuck around a bit and then start dating this girl who had previously blown me off after leading me on the first few weeks of college. I’m wary after my first love and those first few weeks with her and don’t let myself get too attached, but after dating a couple years I fell madly in love. She goes abroad, eventually starts being distant and I get worried. She arranges a FaceTime and tearfully breaks up with me though wouldn’t say why. I heavily suspected she cheated on me or wanted to fuck around. But I brush it off as we maintain the same consistent contact with I love yous and such leading me to think it’s just a temporary break before we get back together the next semester. Well, you guessed it. She’s starts ghosting me the last month of summer leading up to the semester and when we get back starts ghosting me in person. Eventually, I convince her of my love and to be with me. She’s vastly different, however, she now has OCD and borderline up the butthole, which she never had remotely before. She’s constantly swinging from I love you forever to I’m an unbearable annoying burden. She has panic attacks, major depression, mood swings within minutes, paranoia, delusions, is super vain, and is horribly emotionally unstable. Things she never was before. She proceeds to swing between love forever and you’re holding me down all the while banging the campus. I was in heavy denial and believed whatever lies she fed me, but deep down I knew. Eventually, the year ends and we break up.

I’m a hollowed shell who lost his sense of self, purpose, and direction and now proceed to have MDD for the next 3 years with horrible anxiety. We maintained contact for 2 more years after breaking up with her telling me she loves me, however, the more I give her, the more she pulled away. What started as talking every few days turned into weeks which turned into more and more months which turned into texts rather than calls. She continually pushed how little she had to contact me to keep me glued to her, which is my own fault. I eventually found out she was a raging cock carousel rider while abroad (surprise...), though while pressed, shell say she only slept with one guy. Shell also say she never slept with anyone the year we got back together. All lies of course. In hindsight, she was a nice girl who bought into the Hollywood feminist lie, fed her base desires, and fucked up her brain wiring. Why is it that sluts get messed up in the head even when they have no intention of being with the guys they fuck and it’s only for pleasure? Anyways, I proceed being depressed and trying to figure out wtf happened. I knew it was more than just “life” or “shit happens” or “one girl.” Something wasn’t right. I find this sub and the red pill and shit starts making sense as I reflect on my life. My trauma depression turns into rage and hopelessness, but things start getting better as I accept it. I cut off that dumb hoe. Start seeing red everywhere. I see my ex from high school when visiting home. She is still happily married with kids. She proceeds to give the same look she gave me all those years ago. Casually talks shit about her husband to me. Smiles and laughs at everything I say. Surprised again haha? That was the anchor red pill for me.

However, I still think love exists. It’s just a waste of time to conscript your life around it in today’s society as is conscripting around winning the lottery. Women are continually being fed my each other and media to feed their capricious emotions and desires, further making them more and more unstable with larger and more frequent mood swings and wanting more and more. Love is a virtue not a feeling. It’s a lifestyle and personal choice. Sure, there’s a feeling we call love that is unique to the virtue, but this feeling is brought on by the virtue itself. For example, courage is a virtue and it also has a unique feeling associated with it, but you can feel scared shitless and still display courage. It's the same with all virtues such as wisdom, justice, temperance, etc. So in some sense, virtues are made up, but they the fact they are conducive to a happy and fulfilling life and society attests to their benefit and perhaps their actual existence. Women, however, are by nature more present in the moment and don't think abstractly and will never realize this. Most men don't either, but we live in a society that continues to groom men to have these virtues yet has removed the conditioning and infrastructure for women, in addition to, actively incentivizing them to act against them. I know lots of you think love has always been made up or it's only men who can feel it, but I don't think that's true. Yes, women are hypergamous by nature, but men by nature want to fuck young pretty girls. Yet, through either choosing virtue or through being indoctrinated by society, they forsake this for at least a faithful, if not a loving wife. In the past, women maintained their chastity and loyalty in exchange for lifelong commitment and protection, if not for love, too. Yes, there's always been unhinged monkey branching sluts and yes there's also always been dudes who cheat out even dump their old wifes for young girls. However, society still keeps expecting men to hold their end of the bargain and the laws, courts, and public shaming of men proves this. Women no longer have the societal infrastructure like we do. Imagine a society where women are encouraged to be monogamous, faithful, and loving wives, but men are incentivized to leave their wives and chase younger women and the courts and laws supported this. Sounds pretty dysfunctional, amoral, degenerate, and dystopic right? The society we live in is mirror image of that. While having a loyal and loving wife and kids would be a great and rewarding life, it comes at the cost of freedom. Being a self realized bachelor may even be more in tune with what I would want anyways. It'd be nice to have the opportunity to choose between the two, but the latter is great guys. Let's do this!