AITA Going on a “pancake strike” to get back at my wife

2,742 points1,116 commentssubmitted by pancakeprotest to r/AmItheAsshole

My wife and I have been married for over 10 years, together close to 15. We have several children.

Ever since we moved in together I have made her (and eventually our kids when we were blessed with them) pancakes every Saturday morning. The only time I’ve not done so is when I’ve been seriously sick or away on business. I’ll wake up at 7 and make a big pancake breakfast, honey roasted nuts, bacon etc. My father did the same thing and so it’s kind of a family tradition in some sense (not really though as my siblings have not carried it on).

About 1-2 weeks ago my wife told me that she would be going on a “sex strike” that her feminist-mom group was organising (a Facebook group where moms get together to promote feminism/organise protests).

Now I’ve never been a political person. I just want to live a happy life with my family and nothing more, but I try to be supportive of my wife since this stuff is important to her, and I’m not informed on any of this political stuff.

But this just seemed wrong to me. Ofcourse she’s not obligated to have sex with me, but it seemed like she is trying to punish me for something I haven’t done. It really sat wrong with me. After a few days I asked if the sex strike was still something she wanted to do, and she reaffirmed so.

My response was to go on pancake strike. For the first time in our entire marriage (absent sickness or being away) my family did not awake to pancakes. They were very upset.

On the surface I think I haven’t done anything wrong. But on further reflection I think I might be the asshole because:

  • Not supporting something that’s important to my wife

  • Ruining a pseudo family tradition

  • Punishing my kids to get back at my wife

The judgement given here will determine whether my family wakes up to pancakes tomorrow. I will not contest or argue with anyone’s points.

Thank you

Edit: based on current feedback I will make pancakes for my kids. But I’m still on the fence about my wife. So keep that in mind when posting/upvoting judgements.