TL,DR-- Met a cool woman who was in town for a week or so and set to come back permanently a couple months later. Rather than just doing my thing and hitting her up when she was back, I gave her too much attention, and she bounced before even getting back.

I just want to make this to remind you it can happen easily if you’re not careful.

Quick rundown of me. I’m naturally pretty alpha, but realized I was missing some key ingredients a while back, and am correcting the situation. I’m tall, in good shape from years of martial arts and working out, I’m really good at building things (do design-build for a living), and I have a pretty slow temper, but don’t really take shit off of people. I’m generally also the kind of guy that other guys gravitate to. I think the problem with me was I tried in my early 20s to repair my parents’ own messed up marriage via proxy with a woman that while externally attractive turned out to be batshit crazy, and basically whined and bitched her way into my letting her control me. A big result of that was I didn’t pursue my interests and career the way I wanted to, so I’m behind in that aspect. Interestingly enough, the last couple years of my 11 year marriage with her I really started to not give a fuck, started sleeping on the couch on my own, and just started doing the things I wanted to do and ignored her bitching. Even though I was faithful throughout our marriage, I started to get a lot more of female attention around that time, without really trying to. Looking back and after reading here and some other places, I realize that a large part of that was because I was taking back frame. Or maybe more that I had already left in my heart, so I had my own sense of frame again. I ceded frame to her really early in the relationship, and that is a hard if not impossible thing to ever get back.

Anyway, fast forward. We broke up. More specifically I left. I may post more about that later, but not important now. I moved out, started working for myself, started training BJJ in earnest again, working for myself, got on Tinder and all that, started to go out, and basically started slaying pussy. It was almost too easy (I DO live in Austin, which doesn’t hurt). One of my plates ended up as a girlfriend, even though she was full of drama and was not a good catch. Super hot, top five all time fuck, but not not worth it. Was with her for a year and change, but I began screwing around, which was when I probably should have just ended things, but oh well. Anyway, that’s another segue irrelevant to my current point. But I broke up with that one about 4 months back,

Since then I’ve been back to slaying again, my business has ups and downs but is on an overall upward trajectory, I’m staying in shape, doing well, banging 8s, 9s, and 10s without too much effort. And I’ve realized that I’ve been selling myself short in the women's department, so I’ve raised my standards a lot. I only will date women that are professionals or entrepreneurs.

Then I meet this one. My inner romantic got the best of me.

Met her on OKC before she came back to Austin to visit family and scout moving back from where she was working overseas. Just based on her profile, I thought she was a woman of unusual quality, and I was pretty excited to meet her. I thought that I probably shouldn’t sleep with her right away, but maybe feel things out a bit. But when we met I liked her even more than I thought I would. Amazingly sexy, really tall, like 6’1” (which I like because I’m 6’4”), really fun, easy to talk to. And she’s a doctor. Like, c’mon. Anyway, I take her home, the sex is incredible. We hang out and hook up a few more times before she leaves. And decide to keep seeing each other when she gets back. This is a couple months ago.

We message a few times, not too much, and they start to get a bit more serious. That’s where I fucked up. And honestly, I pretty much lost interest in the other women I’ve been sleeping with, and started to taper it off. All for a woman who HAS NOT EVEN MOVED BACK YET. Here’s the thing, I got that feeling with her that I hadn’t had since I was maybe 19. I’ve been married twice, but only felt that really light easiness with a couple of other girlfriends when I was really young.

I fucked it up by putting myself out there too much, and she freaked. Also, to be fair, she just came out of a three year relationship that seemed to end pretty badly, and women handle that stuff differently than men do.

Basically, I should have kept my mouth shut, kept banging my other plates, and just made her a plate until I found out if she’s the real deal or not.

But I put it out there too much. She literally gets back tomorrow, and we were supposed to hang out, but she sent me a message saying she thinks we want different things, and it’s probably best to end this before anyone gets led on or hurt (yeah she meant me lol).

Now the good news. I didn’t freak out or even feel that bad, just a bit of disappointment, but mostly in myself. I was just automatically starting to cede frame again, and said too much, against my better instincts. I started to give a fuck, and I realized it at the time, but I also try to be honest. That never works. BUT I didn’t get upset or mope. If anything, I thought of Jocko Willink, how he says “Good” when you face some obstacle.

It also made me realize I should keep plates going, but focus even more on my business and less on pussy. Ultimately I think I would like to settle down with one woman, but it has to be the right one (not saying this one wasn’t necessarily), and even if it is the right one you have to handle it just right and be in control at all times (which I definitely whiffed on this time).

Anyway, I’m literally just a phone call away from other hotties I can go have some fun with, so might as well do that, focus on work, and chalk it up to a lesson learned.