Summary: A mixture of Bluepill/Redpill experiences in my past.

I will share with you some of my past that led me to grow, fall hard, grow and fall again. I do not call myself alpha/beta, but I had all these attitudes at certain stages in my life. I am good looking when I am at lower levels of body fat, but I have been fat to obese to back.

I grew up in a school which had a 5:1 girl to boy ratio, this let me get used to girls chasing me, me not caring for them. Since I was a high performer, naturally each and every girl in that class have confessed that they have had a crush on me until today.

I was so game savvy at the time that I would get away spitting a girl in her face till all her face was covered in spit,in public, then teasing her about it to get away from that situation. I still remember the fairest girl in class coming and sitting next to me, asking me to touch and rub her neck, stomach and breasts asking me if she had a cold, take my hands, pull it inside her pants and make me touch her pussy, touching my dick and asking me innocently why girls and boys have different body parts. I used to get annoyed at this and run/shy away. You can accuse me of being chad/boytoy etc. But all I remember was, I did not care about them because I was focused on my studies and working my ass off to please my parents.

Due to this, I score high and get admission to a high status high school. As I am a new guy, I stay relatively unknown for some days, until one day the high school stud picks up on me. He tries to bully me, intimidate me etc with his friends. Since I was used to being the King of the Jungle in my mind(mental point of origin. I considered myself very intelligent, I looked down upon anyone even if he was a monster in strength compared to me), I do not back down and start kicking him. He was taller than me, much good looking than me, he was the stud, but he never expected a scrawny nerd to confront him, both of us stall and stop fighting. This incident earns me a reputation in high school, combined with my academic competence, my popularity grows. I get invited to high status friendships, parties etc. This notorious reputation earns me a name with girls, I get unsolicited kisses, I get unsolicited love letters. You may again think I was a Studboy etc etc. In reality I was again concentrated on my studies and in my mind I knew I could do better than all those girls. I rejected all these girls because I had a crush on the most beautiful girl in campus. While rumors were spreading of me fucking some girl in some party, I was busy studying, I was busy trying hard to get the attention of that one girl. In reality, I had not fucked anyone. I was a Virgin. In reality, when it looked like we had groupies in parties and gangbanged girls in parties, me and my friends were playing some games like poker in these rooms with girls, maybe some physical affections and pillow fight and then sleeping and waking up in the morning.

I had Alpha Widowed in-numerous girls just by being me, yet somehow staying Virgin. I rationalized it ok to reject all these girls as I wanted to find my one. I rationalized that the One was not the hottest girl in high school as she was dumb.

Due to excess studies, I had gone from fit to fat.

I gain admission into a training college for engineering. Again I was popular, confident, charming etc. due to past success and competence in academics. In comes Oneitis. She is not the hottest girl I have ever seen, but got the brains to match mine. I fall hard. I stop talking to all other girls in order to chase her, play friends with her. Again, Im extremely dedicated to my studies, My mission comes before her, yet Im still obliviously in the friendzone with her. I wasnted to stay friends with her till I get a job, then propose her. I had not made a move on her for 2 years. College is about to end, I am much much more focused on studies, I literally do not have time to listen to any of her talk. She tells me many things, I ignore as I do not have time. I am focused on studies.

I get admission in the best engineering college in the whole country. I move out of my city. I had achieved my dream. This was my mission right from the beginning of my school. After achieving my mission, I become complacent. I checkup on her to see if she still fulfills my bluepill dream. She is nowhere to be seen. She is distant, unreactive, etc. Then I remember all the things she said, I remember all her behaviour when I was about to clear exams and get admission to the best college in country.

There was this scrawny ugly looking guy in the class. He looked sad or depressed all the time. He looked like he was going through a breakup. He started writing poems dedicated to her, he started gaming her. In short, while I was busy working my ass off, this guy had seduced my oneitis girl in 1 week and fucked her. It looks like bluepill, him writing poems/giving gifts, but as I had not made a move on her for 2 years, not even a redpill/bluepill move as I thought she was the one and best to wait, He had made a move on her and fucked her in just one week. Looking back, he used Mystery's Game(which he learnt after his breakup?) and his own gifts to seduce her. As there was no sign of me making a move on this girl, also as I would move away, this was enough for this girl to fuck him in 1 week. Yes she was a Virgin.

As the topmost engineering college. The girl to boy ratio came to 1:30. This pushed me into a scarcity mentality. This was what led me to actually want an LDR and the eventual oneitis. This led me into a downwards spiral. I went into depression for 1 year. I got much fatter. I got desperate and chased her for 1 year. I ruined all my grades. Lost all friends. Got Lonely. Got alone. Thinking about where I was, where I am, contemplating suicide. Then I found the redpill. This explained my whole life. Now here I am 1 year after finding the redpill. Reading the stories of guys here, my story is nowhere as shocking as the stories of these guys. I realize I was dealt an easy hand.

I have successfully from no sign of future due to spoiled grades to somewhat average grades. From extemely fat to somewhat fit. Still, I have a long way to go.

You may think I might've easily slept with all those girls in the past, but remember, what made me oblivious to them in the past, was the one which attracted me to them. I did not want fuck them then, do not want to now. That is what makes me alpha in their minds. If I go chasing the past, I would be desperate. Sure I can game them much more easily in the future if I meet them in the future which sees to have a low chance.

Lessons:

  • Every time, every fucking time, I was the most attractive when I was on my mission. Make your Mission your Priority.

  • Live in the moment, do not postpone things you desire to the future, you may lose it forever.

  • There is always someone better than you

  • No matter how awesome you are, familiarity breeds contempt.

  • Women prefer a momentary high, to a stable rise. They get bored of the high if it stays for too long.