Sour grapes about a ex means sexual assault charges for him.....

This has been one of the toughest decisions I've made in my entire life. I've spent the past few months torn between whether or not to report him to my university, mostly because I've been afraid of the consequences he will face. Fucked up, right? But I made the decision because I want him to face some real consequences. I'm afraid that this is going to happen to another girl. And I want to stand up for myself. I know this isn't everyone's path, but I hope I'm making the right decision for myself.

My ex-boyfriend sexually assaulted me for the majority of our relationship, which ended in October last year. For context, he's a current RA and worked for a domestic violence shelter for women. Guess that wasn't enough for him to know when no means no, right?

Maybe this is TMI, but I really am just wanting to get everything off my chest. He would constantly try to go down on me when I didn't want him to. I would say no, stop, and physically push him away, but he would hold me down and do it anyway because "he thought I would like it."

I said something to him that I want to share with all of you. After everything happened, in response to him saying that it "worked in the past and he thought it would make me feel good", I said, "It doesn't matter if it's worked in the past. The only reason it feels good is because I want it to happen. If I don't want it to happen, I won't enjoy it. My word about what I like is more important than what you think I like."

This is one of the most terrifying things I've done. And I didn't even go to the actual police. Major props to the women, men, and all those in between who go through the legal system to report their assaults. You all are sooo amazing, and thank you for inspiring me to do the same. I know I'm not legally prosecuting him, but I hope that this is a step in the right direction.

EDIT: I was reading some posts about consent and how “women don’t always mean no”, and I’d like to clarify something about my experience.

The FIRST time this happened, he told me my no didn’t always mean no, and that stop was too close to no, so “he was confused”. We’d never established anything like that EVER, and as a human being, I don’t say “no” and mean “yes”. I’m sorry that that is what society has taught you “about women”, but we are all COMPLETELY different. PLEASE don’t take liberties with consent because you think she’s being “coy”. That’s EXACTLY what he assumed.

Secondly, I said “no” and “stop” MANY times, had a panic attack the first time it happened, talked to him about it and how it scared me, and he STILL continued to deny my right to say no on multiple occasions. His gaslighting made me think that maybe I was “sending mixed” signals, even when I repeated my stops and pushed him away. I thought he was just confused. I thought that maybe all men had an issue listening, and I should be happy with what I got. I thought I was overreacting. But the last time something happened, it was so egregious that I felt like there was no way I could be overreacting.

Finally, my ex told me point blank that he “got off” on getting me off, and thought oral sex was the best way to do that.

And now, he continues to make women uncomfortable with his actions. I hope this is educational for those of you who believe a woman’s no doesn’t always mean no. My situation is what happens when your belief in that overrides a woman telling you no.