So I've been MGTOW most of my life - growing up with 3 older, selfish sisters and a narcissitic mother kind of did that to me. Even all throughout school and my 20's, I just knew that women were extremely fickle and disloyal in nature and weren't worth the effort. And I'm not bad looking and live decently so if I tried I wouldn't have much trouble finding a date...so that's the backstory.

So I'm a loner, and only really see people at work....I work with a bunch of tight-ass, cliquey SJW type people so I've never cared for any of them. But then this new girl shows up 4 months ago. She smokes weed and was getting a ton of flack for it at work, so I told her one on one that she really should stop doing it before coming to work (I'm the only one who smokes here so it was a relatable subject). Over time, we've kind of developed a secret friendship apart from everyone else that works here because we are into the same stuff, and again, everyone here is a tight ass. I see her for about an hour when we do work together.

She definitely reminds me of a NAWALT, but deep down I know she is just like every other woman out there - at the end of the day she is in it for herself only and will betray you in an instant if it means she can do better. I know this.

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So I'm struggling with myself because I know I'm getting attached to her. I realized that I am more excited when I know she is working, and that's why I have to put the brakes on full stop and write this post. How can I ignore this and detach myself from these feelings? I know at the end of the day it would go nowhere - and to be honest I wouldn't want a relationship anyway. It's just the fantasy of having a girl on the side who I can chat with and play with no strings attached. Even though, deep down, I know I could never commit to a wahman and this is just a passing phase, it's just too damn conflicting.

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Male biology can really suck sometimes.

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