So I have 6 girls in rotation and love them all equally depending what I am in the mood for hahaha. Then along comes this hot Spanish chick 31 no kids PLP goes to church on Sundays with her parents, has a good job, car, no debt.

Seemingly a dream come true for a 44 year old divorcee with a kid who I see every other weekend. Then despite all my training here I fall back into the blue pill mindset. I start to think hey I am 44 and 1/2 this chick is cool a solid 8 nice natural DD's and a juicy ass. I was in heaven and she began to earn a lot of my time.

I had plenty of excuses for the other women but still managed to fuck them too just not as often and I found myself looking for excuses to start cutting them loose.

I fought that urge but eventually I lost a couple due to lack of attention anyway. So then I find out my hottie is taking a job in Spain but not until December.

She says I am not going to see anyone else but you can. Talk about a mind fuck because she also tells me if she hadn't got the job she would want to be with me and have a life with me. So I tell her I will take her up on her offer and she doesn't want that either now... because jealous feelings and i'm raw dogging - valid excuses...???

So I realize I am losing her and my inner Beta decides he is going to rescue me. Fuck that mother fucker! I said the dumbest needy shit let my trust issues go out of control and just said whatever low value beta shit popped into my head.

Its all fucked up now but I had a good situation a chick I could fuck who was super hot and cheat on because, well, "honey you are leaving so wtf?"

Perfect but I managed to let my inner blue pill fuck it up. The weird thing is I knew some things about her that made me decide to plate her from the get go anyway... but she also had great qualities.

For example she went on a tear in her 20's the slut at the bar apparently and she liked to get picked up by Chads and fucked. Apparently she went through about 30 guys by her estimation so we all know what that means... Instant red flag.

I fuck like a champ and gave one of my plates 3 orgasms last night and one this morning before she took the walk of shame but I have been unable to give the Spanish chick an orgasm with just my cock... I have to eat her out and use two hands to make her cum one literally get tired from the clitoral friction it takes... which is a lot of work I don't much enjoy so also not ideal and a bit demoralizing.

I started wrestling with the idea of accepting this woman and all her faults and then when the job news hit I actually wanted her more. I told her to take the job but then she starts saying what if I hate it over there and come back! aye aye aye... what a dilemma. I love my options and one rescued me yesterday but the blue pill in me wants a perfect relationship with a perfect woman. How can I completely choke out and kill the blue pill which always fucks stuff up with the promise of feeling more pain? Do I secretly want to be abused by these horrible women? Why do I always fall for it?