So my last serious relationship was over a decade ago. I've had red pilled ideas my whole life (easy to develop with a feminists mother), but I still wanted to believe the fairy tale that women are wonderful and that my life would be better with a wife. I just wanted blissful ignorance, to follow the life-model of my grandparents and great-grandparents.

So I knew this girl in college; we had a falling out when I refused to orbit her. After college, I moved back to my "home" state and she lived in the state I went to college in. A year and a half after college, she contacted me basically out of the blue. Between being bored and wanting to find out what happens when I treated her with disinterest and no filter on my opinions, started talking with her again. A few months later, I drive out to visit her. It's good, we fuck (the morning after I told her she wasn't a good lay), I go home, we continue to talk. I flew her out to visit me; had a few marathon fuck sessions that left her waddling like a duck. Flew out to visit her a few times with the same result. She starts talking about wanting a relationship, I started to warm up to the idea (looking back, this is the point my brain fell out). This was the situation; I'm employed full time at a fortune 300 company. She is looking for work. I say she should move out to where I lived. She had a list of reasons why she doesn't want that. I figure "okay, this is my opportunity to show her how much she means to me." So I started thinking about quitting my job and moving.

Here is the crux of my ramble: At the time, I still believed in a god. I was driving to work, thinking about whether I should go through with the quitting + moving. So I prayed for a clear sign. Less than five seconds after I worded my prayer, the song that was playing on the radio cut out (mid-song), there was about ten seconds of dead air, then the song that my brain had dedicated to her in college came on the radio.

I felt this was a clear sign of what I should do. I said my thanks to god, and went through with my plans.

Less than two months after moving in with her, and I've started to unravel all the lies she told me. We had our fights, and I made the mistake of letting myself be emotionally vulnerable. Sex life went on life support, and she is using every single insecurity/vulnerability I've been open with her about as a weapon against me. Shit tests and manipulation we're constant. The rose-tint wore off my glasses enough for me to notice that the flags I was seeing, were in fact, red. I was starting to suspect that she was cheating on me. This is the pattern for a few more months. The day after my birthday, I come home from work (I worked evenings, so it was late), she is already in bed. I go to brush my teeth and am confronted with a smoking gun: her cum stained panties are on the floor in front of the sink. I crawl into bed numb as a lobotomized zombie. I can smell the alcohol on her breath. I had derailed my life for this girl; took a definite downgrade in work (and never really recovered from as the economy continued to John C. Fuck itself) and was living in a state that I had finally realized I utterly despise. If it wasn't for my best friend visiting the state at about the time I got evidence, I probably would have gone the murder-suicide route. She had demolished my mental equilibrium.

I saw my way out of the relationship, but it scarred me deeply; since that day after my birthday, my soul has felt like it is drowning in burning napalm.

So a few nights ago I'm discussing the existence of god with one of my best friends (the same one that visited and inadvertently saved my life). He brings up the subject of answered prayers. I dredge my thoughts for examples of my own (and nobody else's- I didn't count any time that I had prayed for something that I knew other people were also praying for) prayers that we're answered.

The only one I could come up with was when I had prayed for that sign.

The conclusion it left me with (stronger than ever) was this:

"If god exists, god CLEARLY hates me, because my ex is the worst thing that ever happened to me."

TL;DR Prayed for a sign. Got a sign that sent me directly to my own destruction.

Never marry, never cohabitate. Go your own way and never make a personal sacrifice for a woman, you will only hurt yourself.