Happy New Year. I'm very excited to get started on achieving some goals. Transforming my sales department. Putting on some muscle. Building a personal analytics app. Continuing to heal from my last ex 1.5 years ago.

I have a new girl, been dating almost a year. Thought I would date someone fun.. smart.. a little under my league.. someone different. AWALT.

I woke up just wanting to get at my goals, write them down, plan it out. And this girl is horny. Ugh. Fine I try to get hard. It doesn't go well. I can see her vag just swelling up and I'm just... I just don't live my life like sex is my main motivation any more. I'm too old (early 30's) and I know that path will just lead you to missed goals and depression when you realize you can't make a woman happy. The culture is toxic and I do feel terrible for women. They have to have the best man, the approval of friends, the approval of family, the amazing career, instagram likes... these are all impossible goals that make women go nuts.

I can't fuck. She's hurt. I can't help it.

I just can't.