This could be some rambling masturbatory post, but I'll try and have a point. It's my 42nd birthday, and the world has changed a Hell of a lot in the last three years.

Four years ago I was coming back from a business failure that meant I returned to England with the clothes on my back. I slept at the airport the night before, and I never shared this anywhere else, on the streets for the three nights before that. From a million dollar idea to homeless. It was quite the fall!

Three and a half years ago I had built back up, just enough, to start dating again. 2.5 years ago I actually got sent to a therapist after the girl turned out to be Borderline as Hell and tap danced all over my soul...

That was the darkest point of everything funnily enough. She knew I had been through a war, I thought she got me and she was just sizing me up as somebody with not enough fight in me to deal with her shit. That was peak shitty life and peak shitty woman, all in one hit.

So I thought fuck it, that was the last chance, and I went my own way.

We can fast forward a bit to today now.

I moved again, to the Caribbean, I have a few girls on speed dial that are sugar daddy FWB and nothing more, I work for a couple of great companies, get paid in dollars and my sideline business (selling guns of all things) just finally started turning over money and I woke up to see a fresh $100 sale this morning.

I'm not quite there yet, but I have money in my pocket, food on the table, my time is my own and I absolutely love my life.

Back then, I think if somebody had given me the pills, I would have done them all.

It doesn't matter how bleak things are, you can always turn them around, especially if you don't have to carry baggage with you wherever you go.

I don't know if it means anything to anybody, but I hope it does. It's been a hell of a journey anyway, so far, and there's a lot more to come. If I had let her, if I had given her that power, a woman could have stopped all of that...