Frustrating..

BornForThisTime · 2018-07-19T21:07:51+00:00

I feel so sorry for you and thank God that I learned about MGTOW before having kids.

marche_ck · 2018-07-19T21:11:22+00:00

[deleted]

Global_MGTOW · 2018-07-19T21:20:37+00:00

I don't have any kids, yet, but he's 11, not retarded. Just be frank and sincere with him, tell him what happened while doing your best not to bash his mother (he'll resent you for it). Just say smfuel87 Jr, your mother divorced me, which means that I have to pay 45% of my income towards you, your sister and your mother. Leaving me not much income to pay all my bills or have as nice of a place.

As for cleanliness and bad habits, that's partially on you. You're their father, show them how to clean up after themselves and how to be more independent, they're already 11 and 8.

da_kochevnik · 2018-07-19T22:23:12+00:00

I have a son and a daughter, little older than yours - the other day my son was giving me crap

about something like your son is doing in a basically joking way (can't remember about what) and

I told him the reason his mom had such an easy life is because I paid for fucking ALL of it - I paid

for his clothes, his food, his pizza, his toys and his internet. And on top of that when he turned

18 and wanted to go to college, the reason I would not be giving him money for that is because his

mother took all of it and used it on her own life. 100,000 dollars that could have paid for his schooling

basically 4 years of college for him and his sister ? His mother took that money.

Guess how quiet he was after that ?

You are making a mistake IMO by easing down with the discipline. A BIG mistake. Kids

want to hear 'No' because it tells them there are boundaries and someone gives a shit

about them enough to enforce them and keep them safe. You add lots of hugs and affection

too (if they are into that).

I never ever lie to my kids. I tell them the hard truth - with words simplified down to their

level and their sensibilities - Not : Your mother is a cock-goblling whore, but : Your mother and

I had a good marriage, a good family and she decided she wanted a different, better life, so she

left and broke our family up. The govt forces me to do all these things and if I dont they will

put me in jail. This is the power your mom has in our lives.

etc etc.

NEVER LIE. And answer ever question they ask with hard honest truth and questions of your own -

example : Your stepdad, what kind of job do you think he has ? How much money do you think

he makes and how much do you think he gives your mother ?

etc etc. Get your son to do the math. He isn't an idiot and he's trying to figure out

WTF is going on.

Tell him. Be a man.

TaiYongMedical · 2018-07-19T21:21:09+00:00

Stay strong brother.

Patience. Discipline.

801735 · 2018-07-19T21:35:14+00:00

Ouch, man, feel for you.

What are the things your son could help you out with, while you two bond and spend some quality time together so you can slowly start talking?

Like,

help you as you're fixing things around your "suckingly furnitured" place, maybe even take care of some screws like a grown up man,
perhaps you are making an aeroplane model (balsa, plastic), or a rocket (flies and it's mega fun for a 8-99 year old boy, too)
perhaps you can upgrade your (desktop?) comp together, get the dust out, put some more RAM in there (cheap upgrades) and see how fast it runs then together
even maybe go on a raid in a vidya multiplayer game together, so you both can get ganked together by "pros"
if possible stash some cash for a _____ you both can go buy FOR YOU, which, oh, look, he gets to use while visiting (I guess reparated?)

Stupid ideas, I know, but also happy memories for both of you later. And it MIGHT ease the force of the anger that's inbound.

Do you know what "baww threads on 4chan" are? A neat source of ideas. They're, not always, but often, unnecessary, but I understand them as "didn't know how to" from the fathers side. I hate positive optimism so much it's slowly turning into love, I fear.

No idea for grills.

Docbear64 · 2018-07-19T23:36:18+00:00

" The truth is me and your mom got married very young and when we got older we decided not to be together anymore. I have to give her a certain amount of money to make sure you're well taken care of and because of that I can't have as many nice things but it's worth it because I love you and I know your mom is using that money to take care of you"

You don't have to lie to the kids, you don't even have to place the blame. Let them know the truth you sacrifice to make sure they're taken care of (or so the system says) Why would you feel bad sharing that information with your child?

DanTheMGTOW · 2018-07-20T03:37:57+00:00

Interesting line of questioning. It's like he's being fed those lines. They seem directed to insulting you. This is an opportunity. You should be having kitchen table talks with him, not him watching TV, on the cell phone, or playing video games.

I would say do not offer over-padding to your son about the divorce. Tell him real answers, but strike out anger, revenge, or hate from it. He is going to find out, and it's best he finds out from you directly so he knows your perspective. Explain it to him. He is curious, and I think it will help him later on come to terms of why his life is like this.

When I was 12, I asked my Dad "whats going on?" He told me that he got laid off that day. Yes, it did shut me up for the day, but I grew from it. It made me realize I don't live in a fairy tale. I felt sorry for my Dad, and when he got a job, I made sure to help him make lunch and called him at work to check up on him. I did my chores, did better in school, and tried to be good so that he didn't have to worry about me so he can focus on his job.

Yes, it is tragic, but you can grow your son's mind for the better. Don't spoil him, teach him reality. Your son needs to worry about things sometimes and to think things out. Understand that he probably knows some of this already, but there is comfort of having your Dad sitting you down and telling you what is going on. It shows you took the time to bring him into what is going on and that you are treating him as a man in the situation, not a child.

ListenUpMuthaFucka · 2018-07-20T10:02:42+00:00

You absolutely should tell him. Let him know what a parasitic whore his mother is.

MarketWatcher9456 · 2018-07-19T21:29:39+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this.

He will one day know the truth.

DrFeelFantastic · 2018-07-19T21:30:35+00:00

Tell him that. That you run two households and are responsible for many of the luxuries he has at his mother's and would rather provide them directly but it's complicated and you'll explain when he's a bit older...

Title	Frustrating..
Author	smfuel87
Upvotes	14
Comments	22
Date	July 19, 2018 9:04 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/909qeu/frustrating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/frustrating.522913 https://theredarchive.com/post/522913

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