I haven’t really talked about this publicly before and it’s been a while

senior year of high school was the most alpha and unflinching polite asshole I’ve ever been in my life. I had recently gone down to 7-8% body fat and was decently muscular for a 16-17 year old. I also experienced a random growth spurt that put me at 6 ft at the time. Then I just randomly went after this 10/10 second generation Asian girl at a prom, let’s call her “shaunica”. We dated for 9 months. The first 4 months were the happiest months of my life. Me and her were finding time every two days to hangout (she had very overbearing mother).

There’s something really beautiful about the decision a man makes to devote his entire heart to someone. Taylor Swift could have tried to seduce me and I would have laughed in her face.

Anyways back to the story. 4 months in and we’re telling eachother we love eachother and planning our house together. The best thing we would do was scheme and plot to annoy others with silly social media farces. (I know most MGTOW are older and this is a pretty recent culture shift in the youth but basically we’d comment on people’s post sarcastically and start random drama because we didn’t care what other people thought of us.)

The fifth month came, and she was leaving for college to Irvine. We had no doubt that we would be fine. But I noticed after only her second day there, she started changing. She eventually started caring so much about her appearance and what other people thought of her. She started talking trash about ALL of her close friends to me and then started treating me the way she treated them. Like since I was from a smaller town I was lesser than her. The funny thing is she was from the same town. Our houses were literally the same design so it’s comical to remember how quickly she adopted the bay Asian girl stuck up attitude.

6th month starts. I spend 900$ flying down to irvine once a month for 4 months. I’m only 18 at the time and this was my savings. I didn’t care because I still believed we’d make it. I start to get a little depressed, she at first was supportive, but as time went on she was actually awful. She told me that I embarrass her when I make politically right posts in a social media group. I’ll never spend that kind of money on a female again lmao

7th month starts. I’m really depressed. My abs are basically gone with only two left up top. The Ex makes every problem about her and her problems. She travels back to the town we were in for 2 weeks and she only visited me twice. Heartbreaking considering how hard I was trying to make it work and make sure she felt cared about. I guess I thought that if I made sure she felt cared about, she would start sending some care back :/ The way she drained every problem and refused to change how she treated me broke my heart because she would say “I know and I really do care bout you, it’s just that right now I’m in a weird funk and I don’t know what’s happening”. She would always hesitate to even say that she was making an effort.

8th month starts. Im still depressed as fuck, I bring up Valentine’s Day presents and how I can’t wait till she opens what I got her. (I got her a bunch of neat different things that she loved). She said she got something for me already and I could tell she was lying but I thought there’s no way she won’t get me something. (For long distance couples Valentine’s Day is really important) 5 Days until Valentine’s Day and still nothing. Valentine’s Day and nothing.

The worst part was FaceTiming watching her open the really great presents I got her and pretending like I wasn’t upset that she got me nothing so that SHE didn’t feel bad.

9th month, she visits our small town again. I only see her twice over two weeks. Heartbreaking how little I mattered to her. I just wanted for us to be okay and to feel a semblance of being cared about but she just didn’t care about my feelings.

We never FaceTimed anymore because she was too busy.

Granted I started smoking weed a month before we broke up. Which she hated, But honestly? I put in so much and it was constant torture being with her, and when I was high it was the only time I was happy. It was an awful relationship.

Fuck her, fuck wasting my money and effort on a long term relationship when I could be doing literally over twice as good without. Fuck putting your heart and soul into a soulless person who only cared about what You could do for her. AWALT. Hah, you’ll never catch me fucked up over a girl again lmao 😂

Now I’ve been on 4-5 actual dates since and I haven’t paid for any of them 😂😂

TLDR: dated a sweet, endearing NAWALT, turned out she was a cold, uncaring AWALT