What I was really hoping was untrue about the Red Pill is that women are incapable of caring about men. Here's the kicker that is ending this new relationship.

I have a mental health issue called REM Sleep Behavior Disorder. It causes me to act out my dreams, often violently. I kick, scream, punch, bite, and sometimes masturbate while I am fully asleep. This is like a panic attack and a seizure all at once. My muscles contract and my body temp skyrockets, and I am usually soaked in sweat after an episode. I experience strong depression after episodes, and every night feels like a "don't cut the red wire" moment of whether or not I will have an attack.

This disorder has an 85% chance of turning into Parkinsons when I'm over the age of 60. Parkinsons runs in my family. RSD can also be triggered by chronic abuse or trauma, of which I survived throughout my childhood.

I treat it as if I were diagnosed with a terminal illness. There is no cure, and the only treatment is with highly addictive benzodiazepines which I refuse to take.

The other night my girlfriend was sleeping over, and I had an episode in my sleep. She has seen my episodes before. This time I dreamed that I was in a small town and these people surrounded my car and threw eggs at it to destroy the paint. I knew they wanted to kill me. A woman led the pack.

I screamed out loud, "I am going to rape you, stupid bitch. Stop throwing eggs at my car!"

The next morning my girlfriend was crying saying I scared her. I remembered the episode and tried to comfort her.

Then it clicked for me: I was the one with the attack. I'm the one who has been struggling with this for years. I'm the one who is going to develop Parkinsons.

Why in the everloving FUCK do I have to comfort her?

She left for work and I don't hear from her all day. Then I got a text that she feels "extremely intimidated and threatened" by me and "needs to think things over."

Haven't heard from her since.

What a fucking joke. I'm the one in distress. All I had was a bad dream. She can't even see past that. She is a stupid child who can't even care that I am suffering.

Look, I get that rape is a bad thing. I would never do such a thing. She's been dating me a year. She knows my nature. Yet this is the hill this relationship is dying on.

It's her loss. I own a house, I have a PhD, and I have great hobbies.

The hard thing to accept is that twenty or so years from now, should I develop Parkinsons, there won't be anyone there to take care of me. Or if they are there, it will be so they can take my money and home and belongings.

I am now the king of my kingdom, but the queen and the court jester are waiting for the right moment to poison my glass of wine.