But it's either suicide or turning socially rejective, for me.
I've been lurking trp for about 3 years now, and sometimes posting as different accounts, whenever I was making some progress. I tried every self-improvement advice there was but always something came in my way. I turned extremely desperate, and i just don't want to carry on anymore... My genetics are absolute garbage and everything was set against me from birth on. Including living with a single mother that was borderline. This sealed my faith. I'm 19 but I look like a diseased 30 year old. Well no longer fat as I lifted for 2 years, building very good muscles but losing everything in 3 days in a very bad bipolar episode.
I'll just turn hateful guys. No longer challenge anything unless i have a very good opportunity. Otherwise live at the social edge, earn enough to survive and just screw everyone. It's useless, I'm introvert+bipolar+adhd+raised by a single mother+hair started to thin out and receed+no longer gaining muscle mass+anxiety problems from constant tinnitus+digestive issues+countless other stuff.
I've always had everything harder than anyone else. I had no knowledge of the world as my mother was deliberately isolating me. The only things I've acheived is inheriting money to buy a tiny apartment and study at a political college. Barely doing some poor part time jobs.
My entire sex live was a drunk hookup and 9 escorts. So at least i haven't missed out on my sexual peak haha. I've wanted to have a girfriend for, what, 8 years now? None for me baby, none for me...
Everything else, well... Being an introvert meant I was a nobody in middle school and high school, being bipolar made me miss many opportunities and be unable to keep in touch with people, because of the social anxiety which was also worsened by the tinnitus... I am completely disfunctional and faulty. And it's so bad because I'm 6`1, mesomorph and with an oval face shape. Just imagine how good could've I been if my core and situation was different. But I'm cursed. Now I'm a complete wreck, I look absolutely destroyed, and I can't even run 500 meters anymore without getting tired. What else should I mention, it's irritating as hell...
I was never happy, and not able to create happy events, half being my fault, half being the fault of my mentally screwed up mother. My only good memories were going to loud raves... Which damaged my hearing further :)
So I just turn into a hater instead. Because I don't want to kill myself now. I endured too much to kill myself right now...
It's just the animalic world weeding out the bad stuff and letting the alpha males thrive. I could've been one. I wasn't lucky though. I give up.
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