new ltr issue

lietruth · 2018-11-23T00:53:53+00:00

Comfort test.

The correct response is something witty, charming and elusive. Something like "I like you even when you're annoying. Let's get together tonight at 7 and I'll show you instead of tell you". You don't have to placate to do this. In LTR's it's a balance between dread and comfort. Alpha and beta. Usually an 80/20 alpha beta split.

She doesn't feel cared for and that you're passing her comfort tests. "Does he still love me?" Kind of thinking. Don't placate, but search the main sub for crushing comfort tests. A sprinkle of comfort here & there. They need it as much as they need you to pass shit tests.

ELFuhler · 2018-11-23T01:26:51+00:00

Yeah. You must be sending signals that you aren’t aware of OR she is misinterpreting your behavior due to an irrational emotion or something. I’de tell her that, whenever she thinks that you’re annoyed, she should point it out and ask if you’re truly annoyed. Don’t be upset if she asks you.

Dealing with blind spots like this is hard. There’s no single sentence that you can say that will fix the problem. It’s a long term relationship; you’re going to have to sort these kind of kinks out over time.

Charlie_007 · 2018-11-23T02:33:58+00:00

Is she annoying you when she shares things?

Are you just looking for just sex and not a relationship? Cause that’s what it sounds like, and maybe she’s picking up on that. Definitely comfort her fears, cause you don’t want to be dealing with increasing insecurities that she’s feeling she’s annoying you.

Point blank tell her you’d be upfront if she’s annoying you and that you’d prefer she’d share things with you. You might want to have this conversation in person. You don’t want secrets in an LTR, and if she’s not sharing things then she’s keeping secrets about things going on that you should know in an attempt to not annoy you. Just tell her sometimes you have stressful things happening and you don’t mean to make her ever feel that way.

You might be giving her the vibe that you don’t give a shit. Is that what you intend to be doing?

Title	new ltr issue
Author	Bakers77
Upvotes	2
Comments	3
Date	November 23, 2018 12:22 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9zjfrd/new_ltr_issue/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/new-ltr-issue.54305 https://theredarchive.com/post/54305

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