I don't have anything to do and I feel empty... There's nothing worth doing outside, and i have no money too so yeah ditch that thing.

I used to be an easygoing and happy person but now nothing makes me genuinely happy. It's not that I haven't felt purpose for a long time ~ Sometimes I feel OK, but it's just temporary. I used to love playing CSGO and betting on csgolounge but I think that thing got fucked up by Valve.

I tried to do stuff to make myself feel better. I tried taking up exercising (which is great but still doesn't gives me the fix) and tried to do stuff about what I always wanted, like playing a particular game.

I wanted to play some game on steam for years but I had no money to do it. I collected a lot of money and went out of my way to get a prepaid card, which is hard as fuck here. I had collected penny after fucking penny and had to wait until I can legally acquire a creditcard of my own. But after all that effort... I don't care anymore. All this effort to feel this empty :(

But yeah I live in a third world country and I tried going to a psychiatrist about it but then he sucked (and I heard he was the best one there). So yeah no "mental health" authorities thing too.

My family members were always abusive and I never felt attachment to my siblings or parents. No one had genuine love for me. This caused me to be red pilled at a younger age (If my own family sucks, then other people aren't that trustworthy). So after the literal MGTOW red pill, it was official that I am never going to marry or co-habituate with any human being again. Living with my family has ruined my fucking mental health.

Red pill made me feel apathic, I see no value in social interactions now, and I avoid all women because I can see through their in-genuine interactions... I'm terrible socially so I couldn't make friends, plus I am incompatible with everyone around me, so I don't even want their friendship.

What to do?