If I look back on my life and review it all, without a doubt the most life changing, impacting thing I did was get married.

This sub is already full of "Don't get married period!" type of advice. I don't want to scare you from an otherwise great lesson by presenting you with subjective dogma.

What I will say is unless you're damn sure this is the woman of your dreams don't even think about getting married.

For the keyboard warriors ready to offer your rebuttal about how AWALT and how no matter what you'll get screwed, save that for your own post, that's not the point of this one.

The point of this post is to discuss a particular scenario, where you end up marrying someone you're not "head over heels" in love with. Someone who "Isn't too bad" or "Most likely the best I can do" or "Well maybe we can learn to love each other".

You'll wake up one day and wonder who stole your life from you, and that is what I want to discuss.

If you're in such a marriage already, and it's fresh you really should consider your options and your life, and consider putting an end to it sooner rather than later.

How does one get into such a marriage?

Well, it's not really that hard. You might start dating and have a series of bad, average or underwhelming relationships with a few spikes here and there. At some point, someone comes along who based on your already skewed experiences meets the median. This person sticks around longer than the others and next thing you're married.

What are the warning signs to look out for?

As I said, unless you're crazy in love with this girl, that's the biggest alarm. You get people propagating myths like "Passion or Love" let me tell you it's immature bullshit. If you aren't passionate about someone after knowing them for a while you never will be. You might learn to respect someone, possibly love aspects about them, but you will always feel cheated, wondering what might have been if you had found "The one" (again keyboard warriors restrain yourself from getting triggered please, making a point here).

There are other warning signs that relate to marriage or LTR's in general, you can and should pay attention to. Even before you fully know the other person, how they behave and their actions can speak volumes. This topic is broad and requires a dedicated post. But what I will say is there were big warning signs I missed just due to positive thinking. Don't overlook such things. Be real with yourself.

Ultimately you have to be strong

No matter who you talk to, go ahead and test this - when it comes to failed extended marriages almost always 1 or both in the relationship didn't have the strength to end it. And in almost all cases it would have been better not to start or to end it much MUCH sooner.

You need to be willing to be single or walk away from mediocrity. If you are not truly loved, do not stay around for convenience. All of this is words, ask any married person (or divorced) and they'll tell you how fucking hard this is to pull off.

There's a real risk you end up in an extended unhappy marriage

My mother would often bitch about how she remained in an unhappy marriage for 20 years. I remember thinking as a kid that she was insane, why not just leave, make a plan if you have to, why to tolerate something that makes you so unhappy.

Well, it's not that simple, your marriage (when you have one) defines so much in your life it becomes ingrained. It's not "just a piece of paper".

List of things your marriage will impact - The location you live in, the work you do, the friends you have, the family you are close to (or not), the property you own, any investments you make, how you spend your free time.

Essentially it will define you - For the better or worse.

At least if you're alone you will define your life. You'll be the one making the rules. Marriage is all about compromise. Don't give all that up for someone you don't even love.