I've been stuck on this thought process and not sure what it means so going to try to write it out here. Wondering if anyone can relate at all.

A few months ago, I came across the idea that it takes three generations for the effects of a cultural change to manifest itself in a society. So, I've been looking back at my life from this perspective. I sort of feel like I'm a first generation male product of the post-modernist mindset. More because of the time frame rather than my situation being unique.

My father was taken from his home by my grandmother when he was 12. She was a first gen (1940's) strong, independent women. I don't know many details but the few stories I have heard are a little disturbing. The thing I do know is that he never broke free of her if you know what I mean. Cultures that have "coming of age" traditions/rituals for boys mark the point where the boy moves from the "world of women" (his mothers care) into the world of men. This is the first step to "becoming a man" though maybe not be the only way. IDK.

The thing is, because he had never reached that milestone, he was unable to lead me there. I grew up in very progressive, feminine (for it's time) environment. My parents split just as I was hitting my teens, and then as the only male in the house, I became stuck with the women just at the time when I should have starting separating myself from them.

I spent most of my life going through the motions but never truly feeling like a man.

I did eventually find my way (separate) much later in life ...My father had a great heart and I know that he did his best. But by the end, he was broken.