I found the MGTOW community years ago, and while I found it had some harsh truths to it, in general I found it hateful and disagreed with too much-though I appreciated the sentiment of independence. I've alwats rejected feminism and I consider myself a men's rights advocate.

Well, here I am at 19 almost 20 and I've been reading a lot about MGTOW. I guess I kind of have to explain a bit of who I am to explain this trasformation. Not going to write an autobiography as it would be too complicated and wouldn't be interesting to people who don't know me.

I've always struggled socially. As a kid I was bullied mercilessly. I don't really agree with how most of the mental health system in Canada works (as in over diagnosing), but for what it's worth I was diagnosed with Asperger's in Grade 5.

Basically, I've virtually never had friends. Worse, for me then, is that I've never been able to get a girlfriend. I'm still a virgin at 19. Thing is, I'm socially competent with guys or girls I'm not interested in. But as soon as I'm attracted to her, I mentallt regress to the social ability of a 6 year old who's still scared of bullies.

The point of mentioning all of this is to give you an outline of my struggles; being rejected every time I asked out a girl, bullied incessantly, always the outcast. I was 100% bluepilled and a beta cuck... You would all cringe into yourselves if you knew all the ways I degraded myself to women. I've learned to stop doing that now and have learned some respect for myself.

This brings us to now. I've seriously struggled with my virginity for a long time. I always felt like a biological failure for not being attractive to women. What was I doing wrong? I did what everyone told me. I was honest and true to myself, kind, and respectful. No dice. I've since come to the realization that women are exclusively attracted to 3 things; Confidence, looks, and status/money.

I've always had a few problems with some of MGTOW ideology. I struggle with AWALT. For the longest time that was what drove me from MGTOW: I couldn't bring myself to think all women are the same. What about my mother, I asked? What about the teachers I liked, or the one friend I had in school who was a girl?

I've come to the realization that women are, for the most part, the same. Like I said, I've been consuming a lot of MGTOW information, and mixing that with my life situations, I have to say a lot of ideas here are tragically true. I can't really deny it any more.

I still dislike the intense hatred of women that seems to promulgate here. I don't think women are inferior to men, simply that they all have been conditioned by the same society for the last ~50 years to be shitty. I haven't found a NAWALT in the sense that they are completely free of all negative traits, but a few women, like that teacher, have too many good traits to be simply disregarded.

But even they share a lot of the same traits: Entitlement is rampant and there's an astounding lack of taking responsibility for your own actions.

A big part of my wake-up was the divorce between my mom and dad. He was absolutely fleeced. He quite literally had to flee the country, but ended up losing everything anyway. He worked for 27 years providing for our family, and at the worst of the divorce he was in a foreign country with nothing more than a shirt on his back and all of his accounts frozen.

All of my struggles to find a girlfriend have come to a critical mass where I am asking myself if it is truly worth it. I'm actually starting to wonder if I'm lucky in some deranged way for being able to escape the female grasp. Maybe there isn't anything wrong with me but something wrong with them.

Again I won't go into the details because this post is getting monstrous, but the many rejections I've received have all been cruel. The last two spread it around my back, humiliating me. The one I cared about most and can definitely say I truly loved 100%, led me on for three years knowing she had no interest in me. She completely used me in every way you can imagine except for money.

I've already officially given up on trying to get a girlfriend. That time has passed. But after indulging in MGTOW I may be coming to the realization that this isn't totally a bad thing. It may even be a good thing. I can focus on myself and build my life without distraction.

I wouldn't say I'm 100% MGTOW, but I may be there soon. I'm really open to having discussions with you guys and exchanging ideas.