Summary: So... should you get a wing when you struggle with your game? I had some thoughts that I've written from a daygame perspective but they are quite universal.

 

The first big question is: should I (day)game solo or with a wing?

The answer is ridiculously simple: daygaming is a solo activity, no one is going to hold your hand or whisper the best lines into your ear. It's only you and the girl (and the things inside your head). You internalize things much faster when you're alone on the streets putting some time after each approach into analyzing what just happened.

That being said approach anxiety is a real thing and having a guy next to you to keep your vibe up is really helpful. Best wings actively push hesitant guys into sets so they're almost a guarantee of doing more sets (or in case of beginners - any sets at all).

Not only that but a wing also sees you, your nonverbals (slouching, leaning in, smiling too little/too much), reaction of the girl and ton of other things. He can give you feedback on the basics and point out areas to work on. If he done his load of work he can push you through some challenges, demo a particular type of stop/opener or pretend to go for a girl you like when you're hesitating (forcing you to take action).

But there are drawbacks too. You spend a lot of time talking and it's far too easy to focus on the chat rather than the girls. You can let a girl go thinking she's not hot enough for your wing while she's exactly your type. We all have those - girls that are around 7 out of 10 but your friend would be "meh". Just remember who will be fucking her and go anyway.

What's even worse you can become wing-dependent. There are many guys that have no problem approaching but only when there's someone to hold their hand. They just don't have positive solo reference experience. The cure? Game solo more than you do with a wing. You can count sessions, approaches or even numbers but make sure you do more solo work than winged. Ultimately it's just you and the hot girl.

Last but not least - if you're both at an equal level then competition gets out of hand pretty easily. You'll be chasing girls and getting numbers but do beware that once someone falls off that wagon he's going down hard. Ego hurts, negative emotions rise. One will "win" and the other will "lose". Unless you are really good friends this can hamper your bromance.

 

What about me winging other guys?

Well if they're your friend and you have some catching up to do or you really want to help that particular guy - do this. He will own you one. Unless you have a really good reasons most of the time you're just being an enabler for the other guy. If your (day)game skills are higher then ultimately you'll be slowed down by less able friend. He'll hesitate more, avoid challenges and hamper your vibe. I found out that if I'm feeling really good none of this affects me as I'm chasing girls left and right anyway. But if my mood is volatile I'm more likely to be drag down.

There is an "easy" counter to all that. Getting a number before you meet said friend really helps. You become more relaxed, confident (you're not going to go home empty handed), positive and ready to go. And also more competitive.

 

So, should I get a coach?

Coaching has more advantages than the wing with all the same issues (and more). You can get addicted to coaching or only pretend to follow the advice being a theory junkie instead. Some people buy every book about game there is but never approach. Others make the same mistakes over and over again despite paying a coach to fix that. You have to work with him to get results. Be active not passive.

Good (day)game coach will explain the model to you, demo few sets where you can both see and listen. Then he will actively push you onto girls, listen to your game (for example via wireless microphones), correct all the mistakes, focus on your weaknesses, praise your strengths and provide a summary highlighting the areas to improve.

Sounds like it's a lot but hey - you're paying for it and you shouldn't do it regularly. It should be one time deal. After the session you should apply the advice and work on your problems by yourself (that is by daygaming solo). Focus on your weakest areas as specified by the coach. If after that you still have problems - go for another round or find a different coach. Sometimes just one session is enough to fine tune one's game and get rid of the problems.

The key advantage of being coached is that he can pinpoint the biggest issues. Usually there's no need to work on your whole (day)game arsenal. As the song goes - "it's just the little things". Experienced guy will quickly see what's the problem and what has to be changed. If you have done tens or better yet hundreds of approaches and you can get numbers then there are never many things to improve. Coach is also a good option for beginners to teach the basics.

You could arrive to the same conclusions all by yourself doing hundreds or thousands of sets, experimenting along the way, keeping diary of what works and analyzing deeply. Game learnt that way would be far more congruent with your personality and you'd understand it better. Most guys really don't need coaching. They need dedication and consistency. The only issue is the time - if you have abundance of it, learn by yourself.

 

Summary:

  • The single best way to learn and internalize (day)game is by going solo.
  • If you can't go solo - find a wing.
  • If you have a wing - still spend most of the time solo.
  • If you have a wing - be aware of unhealthy competition (embrace it if it's healthy).
  • If you have time and dedication - you don't need a coach.
  • If you need a problem or sticking point solved fast - ask your wings, then if nothing helps think about finding a coach that specializes in that area.
  • If you want to pay someone to teach you anything make sure he's solid or request a brief demo first.
  • Don't be a wing for someone out of the kindness of your heart. It's giving value, expect something back (or not if he's your best friend).

 

This was first posted to my blog in a daygame context. I edit reddit submissions so they are more genereal. If you're interested you can read the full version here.