TL;DR Inner game doesn't always correlate with outer game and sometimes it's harmful.

Body So looking back on my college days, I noticed a pattern. For the most part, I maintained a solid academic and extracurricular life. Obviously, though, we all have our ups and downs. Well, I can remember my downs quite viscerally. Even though the "down" periods only comprised like 15% of my college experience, they taught me some extremely important lessons.

The ups

My ups were quite good. I went to all my classes, and got good grades. I always kept some cash in my pocket. I went to the gym regularly and kept self-destructive behavior to a minimum. During these "up periods", my "inner-game" was rock solid. I felt like I had a positive identity; I was proud of myself.

Down times My down periods were devastating. I would become essentially nocturnal, skipping class more than attending, letting my grades slide, and being a fucking idiot with money. I would drink and smoke a lot, and generally get quite lackadaisical with my fitness. I don't know what exactly triggered these down periods. Sometimes it was a confluence of factors: getting a little too drunk and missing a quiz and then saying "fuck it" and skipping the rest of the day's classes and then getting extremely depressed and pessimistic about everything.

You're probably saying: "Well, fuckin_retard, that's all good and well, but this is a forum about getting laid, why haven't you mentioned that aspect?"

Well, because something unexpected happened.

During my downward spirals, I was getting laid more than ever before. I was a machine - it was honestly almost unconscious. In fact, if I really think about it, over 70% of the notches on my bed post came during these down times. Considering that the down-times only comprised like 15% of my total experience, we can see that there's a huge imbalance here.

Looking back on it, the reason becomes quite evident.

During the "good times", my inner game was solid. But that destroyed my Game with girls. Why? Well, quite simply, there was something to lose. I had cultivated a positive sense of self, and going up to hot girls and risking rejection meant that I could damage that sense of inner confidence.

Looking back on it, this means that my confidence really wasn't confidence at all. It was sort of a mental house of cards that I'd built delicately, and was afraid to lose.

On the other hand, when I was in the midst of one of my multi-week benders, I didn't give a fuck. I was wittier, more outwardly confident, and generally more fun to be around. I drank a lot more and stayed up late with people during the week and especially on the weekends. Getting laid seemed to happen automatically. I just happened to be in the right places at the right times. All the while, I felt like a piece of shit and hated myself.

This had an interesting effect on my outlook on the world and my life. I thought, "hmm. If being a piece of shit is conducive to getting ass, and being a model citizen is antithetical to pulling bitches, well why and the hell would I even try any more?"

Of course, that was a subconscious thought process; arguably one that led me to dropping out of college.

Lessons Learned

Looking back on it, this situation taught me about a few Red Pill Principles:

Outcome independence So during my "up" periods, I was afraid to approach girls and joke with them because I was afraid of losing some of my hard-earned "inner game" by getting rejected. Of course, this means that I didn't really have a solid "inner game" - it was a mirage that I built on false ground. Essentially, I had some semblance of inner confidence from being a productive person, but it did not transfer whatsoever to my social life. During my down periods, I was not outcome dependent, because I didn't give a shit about outcomes. If people didn't laugh at my jokes, or if girls rejected me, it didn't matter, because I was already a self-loathing depressed idiot. I just took another shot of whiskey and moved on to the next conversation.

Holding Frame During my "down" periods, I unintentionally held frame. I was not afraid to do what I wanted, and I didn't care to apologize when I offended people or said an off-color joke. In some ways, drinking and partying became an addiction in these times. It was an absolute blast to not give a shit and do what I wanted.

That about sums it up. What I'm aiming to do now, is to cultivate the confidence from being a productive person, while simultaneously "not giving a fuck". Basically, "not caring what others think" is not my "natural predisposition". I'm very judgement-conscious, and all that. But what I learned from those down periods is that people will forgive all the dumb shit you do and say, but they won't forget how good of a time they had with you.