Basically the title. It's frustrating to slowly build a habit, increase intensity, then get back to what I think is square one. Like,

  1. Lost 5 kg fat, got it back on.

  2. Tried hard to not think about ex from years ago, and some nights I find myself stalking her on social media.

  3. Add a new habit to existing ones, and then losing the streak again.

It's frustrating. I'm not the man in the mirror. It's like I had a perfect idea of what my life would look like at different stages, and I'm so far behind my ideal version that I've given up subconsciously.

I'm so disassociated from who I am that sometimes I catch myself screaming inside not to drink that damn coke, while I'm drinking it. Like I have no control over what I'm doing.

If anybody has gone through this and come out a better man on the other side, please share your strategies, resources, anything basically.

Or I'll just keep on my fight again entropy alone.