Summary:

The Depression and the Acceptance phase. It's been just over a year. A year of struggling, not knowing who I am. Reading... lots of reading. Going from 94kg to 80kg (14kg / 30lbs) and actually learning about the world in the way it was meant to be viewed, with masculinity as a positive thing and not that of a 'toxic' one.

Body:

I am twenty, turning twenty-one. I have made significant progress towards my body and eliminated any issues that I may have had about my life, such as my short height. (I am 5"5. I am not treated like I am 5"5.) And I'm finding myself entering the borderline between the depression phase and the acceptance phrase.

I have begun to accept in both myself and the world: About myself, that I can be whatever I damn well want to be, but that doesn't mean that everything I want to be will be accepted, in fact it could very well be fought against. I'm a man capable of picking up tools, putting them to work, provoking thoughtful responses and mind-altering phrases that help me see the world in a new light. But at the same time, I almost feel fake.

I currently spin three plates, and let me tell you, gentlemen: I had to force myself to use tinder. I had to force myself not to become complacent, and that I was. I was spinning four with the possibility of five, and lost a few shit-tests. This is the kick starter for most of the thread. The awareness of my emotions and the logical side taking backseat. Feeling about what it was I actually wanted, for what I seemed to find as "super-powers" upon discovery and application of the TRP sidebar and finding that while a large portion of women are enhancing their own hyper-gamy with such apps; that they can seemingly pick and choose to their whims. It's completely different to us.

At first, I didn't know what to do with this information. Putting all of this to good use was hard... but then a lot of the information you absorb - some of it you like, you use it, it works well. You use the four stages of competence and integrate it into your life, and suddenly you're doing it without thought. Some of the stuff I didn't like, but I still developed the know-how in saying 'Well, some people might see it this way.'

And that's when I realized about the significance about Men in Love is that I cannot be loved the way I want to be loved. I cannot be loved in the sense that the Law of Energy Conservation states that energy cannot be destroyed or created: only transferred. I cannot make a woman love me without having to do anything. I cannot be admired for my-SELF. Sadly, I am admired or loved or superior through all of my achievements, efforts, my many hours slaved in the gym, the creation of my work or hobbies.

There's a fantastic reddit post that I cannot find about how men are the active pursuers: and women the passive. That women don't pursue, they make themselves known to the man that they want or desire to be pursued. That's why it's such a shock when we do get pursued. We're not used to it, and that as a result, we just want to be loved when we stop perpetual wheel of our achievements and doings.

It's almost sad that what I didn't even believe once upon a time, is like catnip to the opposite gender. How it's sheltered, denied, ignored like a Freudian slip in the subconscious mind of society. It frustrates me that this stuff that once upon a time I was seeing in my minds eye, to feeling in my core as I was just doing it. That's okay too. It's broadened my horizons.

Women aren't the only ideal of this thread, though, it's how I've grown as a man: I am more respected than I was, and I do not consider myself to be the extroverted type: I'm very much the more quiet type. I find my situations are easier.. talking is easier, I feel more comfortable. This stuff works if you give yourself leeway to believe that your previous ideals are wrong. Give it a try with an open mind.

Lessons Learned:

  • TRP will only come to those who are open to learning, accepting their worldview may not be what it actually is.
  • Men are the real romantics.
  • You don't have to accept everything you read, skepticism is fine. Prejudice and narrow-mindedness is not.